Thursday, June 8, 2017

Sexual Addiction - You probably can't get free on your own, but there is help - six articles

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There are facts and truths that "sexual libertarians" don't want society or public opinion to know, that even they don't want to know. To sum up those facts - accumulated in different human cultures and societies - we don't need sex to live a full life and be content. To define one's identity on the basis of our sexuality alone is to reduce our human value and dignity. I am a lot more than just my genitalia, and so are you. G.S.

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My purpose in these posts is to bring together significant and, where possible, representative echoes of our best human efforts to make sense of our lives - and of our human sexuality in particular - also including the voice of Jesus Christ, the one Saviour of the world, and testimonies from his Church, such as through her teaching voice, the Magisterium. The Church has been accumulating much valuable wisdom granted her by Almighty God since her foundation at Pentecost. In this way, wherever there is darkness in our human understanding, it will serve to highlight the bright and radiant truth, which is Jesus Christ: "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you know me, you will know my Father also." John's Gospel 14:6-7 
Father Gilles Surprenant, priest & poustinik

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(1)   
Can the Catholic Church help an addicted generation? 

(2)   Young, white Americans are addicted to this (what RCs should do about it)

(3)   Trapped? Use the Right Timing to Break Free

(4)   Does More Sex Cure Sex Addiction?

(5)   WILLPOWER IS NOT ENOUGH

(6)   You Don't Have to Be A Hermit to Break Free

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Can the Catholic Church help an addicted generation? By Mary Rezac Greenwich, Connecticut, Jun 8, 2017

Young Americans are dying at a rate not seen since the Vietnam War. But they are not dying in combat - they’re dying of the effects of drug overdoses, alcoholism, mental illness and suicide, at a rate 200 percent higher than the 1980s in much of the United States. A recent report from the U.S. surgeon general estimates that more than 27 million Americans have problems with prescription drugs, illegal drugs or alcohol. But just a fraction of those people, only 10 percent, get meaningful help.

And it’s not just substance addictions that are on the rise. Process addictions, related to behaviors, have also seen recent spikes. Pornography addiction in particular has reached what some view as crisis levels. A 2011 study by the National Center for Biotechnology Information estimated that roughly 47 percent of all American adults struggle with at least one of the 11 most common forms of process or substance addictions.

The prevalence of all kinds of addiction likely mean that most people in the pews of a Catholic Church on any given Sunday have experienced addiction in themselves or in a loved one. So what is the Church doing to address the problem?

Understanding addiction

Dr. Gregory Bottaro is a clinical psychologist and the founder and director of Catholic Psych Institute in Connecticut. He frequently sees clients who are dealing with either substance or process addictions. Part of the problem of addiction is a widespread misunderstanding of addiction as a lack of intellectual or spiritual willpower, Dr. Bottaro said. “You have to recognize that there is an actual brain disease in effect,” he told CNA.

“So as much as you can sit and talk through the issues, you’re dealing with real brain chemicals that are out of balance, and a real disease that has occurred in the brain, so approaching it from a number of different angles is very important.” Behaviors or substance abuse have to reach certain diagnostic marks to be considered addictions, Dr. Bottaro said. Generally, an addiction is occurring when a person is compulsively dependent on a substance or behavior, and continues to do it despite negative consequences and a desire to stop.

And just like addicted individuals can build up tolerances to substances and require more to achieve the same effect, process addictions also show tolerance buildups, such as when a pornography addict requires more hardcore viewing to achieve the same release.  

Erik Vagenius is the founder of Substance Abuse Ministry Scripts, or SAM Scripts, a faith and scripture based ministry designed to help ease the process from recognition of addiction to seeking professional help. Vagenius, who has been involved in addiction ministry for decades and is a recovered alcoholic himself, said that the first step to solving the problem is recognizing that there is one.

“I firmly believe so much for this (ministry) to be part of the church,” he told CNA. “(T)o have a church community that recognizes that they’re behind you, just as they would be if somebody had cancer, helps to destigmatize this thing.”

“Unfortunately the reactions I sometimes get are well, this isn’t really a Catholic problem. But I’ll bet everybody in the pew on any given day has had some relationship with the disease of addiction,” he added.  

What does faith have to do with it?

Faith has long been a tenet of many addiction recovery programs. One of the most popular, Alcoholics Anonymous has strong Christian roots because it’s co-founder, Bill Wilson, had a spiritual awakening after he was hospitalized for his drinking in 1934. He joined the Oxford Group, a nondenominational Christian movement popular in the U.S. and Europe at the time, and helped found AA in 1935.

The AA tenets of self-examination, acknowledgment of character defects and restitution for harm done to others grew out of Oxford Group teachings. Today, allegiance to a specific creed is not required for membership, though the group still considers itself a spiritual, albeit denominationally non-preferential group. Four of the 12 steps in the AA program mention God directly, and the 12th calls for a "spiritual awakening as a result of these steps." Vagenius also considers addiction a spiritual battle.

“We’re dealing with a spiritual disease, and that’s why the Church needs to be involved with it,” he said. The website for SAM Scripts recognizes that “addiction is a spiritual illness that disconnects a person: from self, loved ones, and God. SAM's mission is to help these individuals reconnect through education, prevention, referral, and family support.” Dr. Bottaro said he also incorporates faith in his recovery programs for addicts. He said he was especially inspired after hearing a talk by Catholic speaker Christopher West, who specializes in Theology of the Body. “He said basically we have this desire, and our desires are insatiable. So God made us with this desire for more more more, and with that desire we can do one of three things...we can become a stoic, and addict or a mystic.”

A stoic ignores the desire or tries to repress it and pretend it doesn’t exist. An addict tries to fulfill their desires with the things of this world, and a mystic “directs their desires towards God, and that’s where we enter into that mysticism by transcending the finitude of this life,” he said.

That’s still an abstract way of looking at a very real disease, Dr. Bottaro said. However, there are several Catholic programs that offer concrete assistance to struggling addicts of all levels.

Catholic recovery programs

On the less intensive side, Dr. Bottaro has developed an 8-week online program that anyone can access from home called Catholic Mindfulness. It adds the Catholic understanding of abandonment to Divine Providence to a traditional mindfulness approach to healing.

“If you look into what mindfulness is, you’re basically training your brain to know that you’re safe, because the anxiety response is how God made us to react to danger,” he said. “The problem is we overuse that...we activate our anxiety response, but most of the time we’re not actually in danger. So mindfulness is basically paying attention to what’s actually real right now to convince your brain that you’re safe, and that corrects the brain chemistry.”

“The Catholic perspective as to why we’re safe is that we have a Father who loves us and who always keeps us in his hands, and we have a reason to trust that everything is going to be ok.” Vagenius refers to those in his ministry as “SAM teams” who share their time and talent, typically through talks and meetings, to offering hope, healing and reconciliation to those touched by addiction. SAM teams provide a safe, confidential place for people to seek help and referral at the parish level.

Team members do not have to be in recovery but need to be acquainted with addiction, and must be approved by their pastor.  

The ministry’s exact format varies from parish to parish, depending on those involved and the needs of the faith community. Vagenius’ trainings provide a basic format, and the parish SAM team develops its own dynamic from that outline based on specific needs. Depending on the person, more intensive work may be necessary, including outpatient psychotherapy and group counseling, or even residential programs.

St. Gregory Retreat Center is a Catholic residential program for adults struggling with substance abuse located in Adair, Iowa.

The program offers separate residential facilities for men and women and offers a “holistic approach that combines the very best research in psychology, health, social support, and other methodologies.”

The program targets addiction behavior in four different aspects of life: biological, psychological, social, and spiritual.

Besides counseling, social activities and physical exercise, daily Mass and regular access to the sacraments are part of the residents’ normal routine. Natalie Cataldo, Director of Admissions at St. Gregory, told CNA that incorporating spirituality in the recovery process has proven to be very effective. “Research shows that people are more successful in overcoming addiction when they have an active spirituality in their lives,” she told CNA in an e-mail interview.

“Most people who come to us have had not a great past. With the sacrament of reconciliation, our guests are able to ask for forgiveness... Allowing them to feel like they are getting rid of the past, making new good habits for the future that they can start using and making better choices.  It also allows for self reflection and self evaluation.”

For those in post-recovery, there are programs available to help ease people back into their normal routine.

Dr. Bottaro works at one such facility, Ender’s Island in Connecticut, a residential program for young men “with or without faith” who are recently out of recovery. The program provides a community in which to practice the 12 steps and support for a better transition into regular life, as well as daily Mass and regular access to the sacraments.

The biggest barriers to seeking help for addiction can be denial on the part of the individual and a perceived stigma in seeking help. Increased education and understanding from everyone in the Church can help break these barriers, Dr. Bottaro said.

“It’s important to have support and understanding that there are other ways to fight these battles than just prayer, or just kind of sucking it up and hanging in there and seeing how far you can go before you get help,” he said.

“Once you’re looking for help, there’s a wide spectrum.”

This article was originally published on CNA Dec. 16, 2016.

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Young, white Americans are addicted to this (what RCs should do about it)   Bottom of Form

Joan Frawley Desmond Providence, R.I., Feb 9, 2016

New GuidelinesWhen recent headlines marked a spike in drug overdoses for white, middle-class Americans, the news saddened but did not surprise Deacon Timothy Flanigan, an HIV specialist at Brown University medical school in Providence, R.I. Beyond the classroom, Flanigan has directed the HIV care program at the Rhode Island state prison for two decades. He knows better than most Americans that no group is immune from the ravages of drug addiction and that controversial medical protocols for treating pain have brought this scourge to bedrock communities as well as inner-city neighborhoods.

“Many of my old patients have died of drug overdoses,” said Deacon Flanigan, a physician and a professor of medicine and of health services, policy and practice at Brown’s Warren Alpert Medical School. “Opioid addiction is very common in Rhode Island, where more young persons die of opioid addiction than car accidents,” Dr. Flanigan told the Register, as he somberly recounted a story of one patient who was slated to speak at an international AIDS conference but was found dead in a dumpster a week before the event. “She died of a drug overdose, like so many other people who are abandoned in alleyways to die alone. It is so tragic for the patients and their families.” That haunting story is hardly an isolated case. The nation is struggling with a new wave of drug addiction that is hitting all sectors of society, but especially young whites.

While drug abuse has plagued poor urban areas for decades, this new development has been partly fueled by prescription painkillers, like OxyContin, that pack highly addictive opioids. The prescription drugs are used to treat acute and chronic pain, and when patients become addicted, they may eventually switch to street heroin, which is less expensive and easier to secure, at least for the young. Deacon Flanigan confirmed that the recent surge in overdoses among young whites have been linked to controversial medical guidelines that called for a more aggressive approach to treating both acute and chronic pain.

In 2013, the Food and Drug Administration reacted to the increase in deaths from drug overdoses by announcing new guidelines that restricted prescriptions for OxyContin and similar drugs. While these drugs had been recommended for patients with “moderate to severe” pain, the FDA now stipulates that they should be “reserved” for patients “for whom alternative treatment options are ineffective, not tolerated or would be otherwise inadequate to provide sufficient management of pain.”

The news of the spate of drug overdoses among the middle class has helped to spark a reassessment of federal policies that sent many drug offenders to prison, rather than into treatment programs. Meanwhile, proposed federal legislation, like the 
Comprehensive Addiction and Recovery Act, seeks to broaden and promote access to drug-treatment services It may be too soon to say whether the FDA’s tougher guidelines will have an impact on medical practices, but the surge of white deaths caused by drug overdoses has yet to abate.

“Death rates for black and Hispanic adults have fallen since 1999, but have increased for whites, particularly women and young adults. The rise in deaths has been largely driven by drug overdoses,” stated a 
Jan. 16 article in The New York Times that summarized the paper’s analysis of 60 million death certificates collected by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention between 1999 and 2014. “For young non-Hispanic whites, the death rate from accidental poisoning — which is mostly drug overdoses — rose to 30 per 100,000 from six over the years 1999 to 2014, and the suicide rate rose to 19.5 per 100,000 from 15,” the article also noted.

Different From the ’70s

Andrew Kolodny, a senior scientist at the Heller School for Social Policy and Management at Brandeis University, contrasted the heroin epidemic of the 1970s with the present crisis. “The previous crisis affected poor, non-white communities,” Kolodny told the Register. “Users started very young and put a needle in their arms to inject the drug. Typically, they were juvenile delin-quents, and it was part of the culture.” Kolodny also serves as the chief medical officer for Phoenix House Foundation, which offers a therapeutic community model for treating drug and alcohol addiction. And he noted that decades earlier Phoenix House was “focused on working with folks who had no structure in their lives” and suffered from the failing schools in their community.

“Today, when you look at young people who are heroin users, they [did not start off as] juvenile delinquents. They were the star of the sports team; they were headed to college.” Kolodny places much of blame for the present surge in drug addiction on physicians overprescribing painkillers like OxyContin, a practice that began more than a decade ago. Many patients who are prescribed OxyContin don’t realize the drug is an opioid. And that means, according to Kolodny, its effect on the brain is virtually indistinguishable from heroin. “If you repeatedly use a highly addictive drug, you can easily get addicted, especially if you are young,” he said. Asked to explain why prescription painkillers have had a greater impact on young whites, Kolodny argued that many physicians had accepted societal stereotypes that presented minority groups as more likely to become drug addicted, so the medical community was more cautious about prescribing such drugs to black and Hispanic patients.

Cheryl’s Story

But while some patients get hooked on drugs prescribed to address legitimate medical needs, others develop an addiction by experimenting with painkillers shared by their friends or bought on the black market. Cheryl Chou, 31, a graduate of a small Jesuit college, was given painkillers by her roommate. Struggling with unresolved issues of childhood abandonment and abuse, the high-achieving student found the medication helped to anesthetize her emotions.

“I had broken up with a boyfriend because he was using weed. But my roommate told me, ‘OxyContin is not illegal — doctors give it to you when you get your teeth pulled,’” Chou told the Register. Within three months, Chou was stealing from her roommate’s stash of painkillers. “The moment I found my drug of choice I felt instant relief. I was no longer terrified all the time and didn’t worry about what people thought of me.

“I checked out: No problems were running through my head.” The drug use continued after Chou started her accounting job, and, over time, she headed on a downward spiral, as she began experimenting with other drugs. Visits to emergency rooms, stints in drug-rehabilitation programs, job loss, suicide attempts and homelessness followed. The lowest point came when the young woman found herself “sitting outside of the police department, hoping God would have someone arrest me. “I realized this would be the rest of my life — burning bridges every day and starting over the following day.” Her prayer was answered: Chou was arrested and eventually served time in Marin County Jail north of San Francisco.

In 2014, she got her life back on track after she was released from Marin County Jail and was accepted to 
Catherine Center, a restorative-justice program for women like her who have served time for drug convictions and related offenses. Sponsored by St. Vincent de Paul Society of San Mateo, Calif., in alliance with the Sisters of Mercy West Midwest, Catherine Center takes no government funds so it can provide a comprehensive faith-based program for women who face daunting challenges as they prepare to re-enter society and commit to staying clean and sober.

Over the past year and a half, Chou has participated in a 12-step program, made restitution, received counseling and taken part in structured spiritual reflection and prayer. More recently, she has mentored new arrivals to the program, as she holds a job and hones the skills she will need this fall, when she begins a program to earn a master's degree in business administration. But she believes the spiritual transformation she has undergone at Catherine Center, where she learned to hand over to God all the anxieties that have shadowed her life, is equally important. People dealing with addiction need “constant help and accompaniment to help them remember that God loves them. They will encounter suffering, but they don’t walk alone,” Lorraine Moriarty, the executive director of St. Vincent de Paul Society of San Mateo, told the Register.

Other Factors

As Moriarty sees it, the recent epidemic of drug addiction can only be partly explained by the overuse of addictive painkillers. Other factors include a plague of loneliness and social isolation and the furious “pace” of modern life that fosters deep anxiety and leads some to treat emotional wounds with drugs. Sociologists who have researched the broader social context of the nation’s new drug crisis confirm Moriarty’s judgment. “Stressors such as poverty, divorce and economic insecurity are playing a role in people’s response” to the seductive appeal of drug use, Mark Hayward, a professor of sociology at the University of Texas at Austin, told the Register.

As economic changes erode manufacturing jobs that once supported an entire family, the sharp rise in mortality rates for whites underscore the fact that in recent years “this group has lost more than other groups in society,” said Haywood, yet their struggles have received little attention. Whites who do not finish high school are much more likely to die from a drug overdose than college graduates, according to data published in this month’s New York Times story. But this same demographic, the influential sociologist and best-selling author Charles Murray 
has pointed out earlier, is also less likely to marry, attend church or take part in other forms of civic engagement, and that leaves them more vulnerable to the ravages of drug addiction.

“The breakdown of the family and declining rates of marriage today disproportionately impacts lower-income individuals and those with less education,” agreed Dr. Aaron Kheriaty, a psychiatrist at the University of California-Irvine Medical Center, who noted the intertwined rise in drug overdoses and suicides. Kheriaty is a Catholic and has worked closely with the Diocese of Orange on mental-health initiatives. So when asked for suggestions on how local parishes should respond to the crisis, he pointed to “the corporal and spiritual works of mercy that have always had a central place in Catholic life.”

A Catholic Response

Back in Providence, Deacon Flanigan identifies another factor that breeds drug dependency in 21st-century America: a culture of consumerism that encourages people to believe they have a right to “feel good.” “There is an existential crisis in our culture: We see this more clearly among our youth, but it affects all ages. I am speaking as a doctor and a deacon,” he said. “Society is so good at promoting consumerism, and we are told, ‘Do what makes you feel good.’ And it really does feel good to go shopping and get a hotshot car and have a really great alcoholic drink.” Yet the “false promise” of consumerism, he noted, leads people away from the path of a challenging, but ultimately fulfilling, life rooted in self-sacrifice for the sake of loved ones and to sustain the common good. His words echo Pope Francis’ critique of the West’s “throwaway culture” and his call for the Church to be a “field hospital” for sinners. Thus, while experts seek further restrictions on the use of drugs like OxyContin, and Catholic agencies work to expand access to treatment programs, Flanigan also wants to see more parishes acknowledge the reality of drug abuse and offer 12-step programs for Catholics and others in the community. If the Church admits there is a problem, he suggested, it will encourage individuals and families who often struggle alone, too filled with shame to ask for help.

“The clientele for your 12-step meeting may not be the same as the clientele for your parish finance committee — though there may be overlap, and you don’t know it,” he said. “We need to address the reality of drug addiction and tell those who are dealing with it that we are there to help them get the help they need.”

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RESOURCES AT: Reclaim God's Plan for Sexual Health 

Trapped? Use the Right Timing to Break Free

BY THE RECLAIM SEXUAL HEALTH TEAM - #R010

Sexuality is an important part of our lives. Throughout the world, individuals choose to express their sexual energies in a variety of ways. For many people, the sexual outlets they pursue can become a major disruption in their lives and get in the way of enjoying committed, fulfilling relationships.

These sexual outlets can include things like hooking up and one-night-stands; phone sex, sexual chat rooms, masturbation, prostitutes, many different forms of pornography; strip clubs, massage parlors and many more. Frustrated and unhappy with the results of their sexual behaviors, many get to the place where they realize, "This just isn't working for me any more." So, they try to stop the behavior, but too often discover that they can't. No matter how hard they try, they keep going back to the same sexual outlets, even though doing so is messing up their lives and their relationships.

Why is it so hard to break out of unwanted sexual behaviors and outlets? Shouldn't it just be a matter of deciding, "I'm not going to do that any more" and stop? Unfortunately, it's rarely that simple. Dr. Page Bailey's illustration of "The Funnel of Sexual Process" helps explain why breaking out of negative sexual habits can be so difficult.

Imagine in your mind an hourglass, wide at the top and slowly narrowing down to a very small passage- way in the center and then back to a wide opening at the bottom. This is a perfect illustration of how the brain behaves in sexual process. As people go along in everyday life, their brains have a relatively wide perspective taking in all of the people and things around them. Once an individual becomes sexually aroused, however, the brain immediately begins to narrow its focus as it releases a tidal wave of endorphins and other neurochemicals.

The word endorphin is derived from two words—"Endogenous" meaning produced from within, and "morphine" a powerful pain-killer. So, in the funnel of sexual process, thebrain and nervous system release its own natural pain killers.

In addition, it also releases other powerful neuro-chemicals like dopamine—the body's pleasure chemical. In the funnel, stress and pain are blocked out and at the same time, the individual feels enormous pleasure. The further the person heads down into the funnel, the more narrow their focus. The logic centers of the brain shut down and the pleasure centers take over. And the pleasure center of the brain has only one absolute goal—climax. On the way there, the person blocks out the world and all distractions.

In a healthy relationship, this narrowing process causes the couple to narrowly focus on each other and enjoy the pleasure together. However, when we enter the funnel is entered through any number of sexual outlets outside a one man/one woman marriage relationship, the narrow focus is on self and getting one’s own rush or high as a pleasure outlet or on escaping from the stresses of life—just like any other drug. The trouble is, because the pleasure center of the brain is in complete control, all thoughts of logic, values, consequences, self-control, and future goals are blocked out.

After climax, the individual emerge from the narrowest part of the funnel. The Logic center of the brain regains control, and the struggling person often realizes that they have given in yet again, and experience powerful feelings of frustration, loneliness, and depression. At this point the person often feels the greatest motivation to get the help they need to break out of their unwanted sexual behaviors. However, the negative feelings can soon dissipate along with the determination to get help as the person gets back into the routine of life, and they can miss the chance to get on the path to breaking free.

Another way to look at this cycle . . . The Avoidance Cycle

When it comes to bad habits and addictions, people typically use one primary strategy in their attempt to break free—avoidance through willpower. When they feel an urge to indulge in unwanted sexual outlets, most individuals who are trying to break free of the behavior, attempt to force the thought or urge out of their mind and avoid the situation. All of us have heard the traditional advice, "You just need to try harder." This is the worst advice there is because it usually plunges the struggling individual into what we call the Avoidance Cycle.

What happens when you try to force a thought out of your mind? For instance, right now I don't want you to think about a big, bright, yellow school bus. No matter what, DO NOT think about that bus! Of course, the more you try to fight and keep the image out of your mind, the more it forces its way in. In psychology we call this an intrusive thought. Continually attempting to force the same intrusive thoughts, urges, or feelings out of one’s mind can hopelessly plunge individual into the Avoidance Cycle.

In the Avoidance Cycle, the struggling individual fights the sexual thoughts and urges and does everything to resist them. But they just continue nagging at the person and trying to force their way in. Often, worn out from the constant battle, the individual gives in and indulges in the same old sexual outlets. Temporarily, they feel relief because they don’t have to fight the urges anymore. But once the rush is over, all of the negative emotions set in. The person often thn makes a new vow—"That's the last time I will ever do that!" but heads into the Avoidance Cycle again! After years of being trapped in this cycle, many people simply resolve themselves to their sexual habits— "Why bother trying. I'm never going to get past this. I might as well just give in and stop fighting."

However, the best time to take action and get help with your unwanted sexual behaviors is after you have indulged and you're feeling the emotional fallout. Use these negative emotions to your advantage—use them to motivate you to get the help you need and start changing your life and relationships for the better!

SIGN UP FOR THE RECLAIM SEXUAL HEALTH ONLINE RECOVERY PROGRAM! www.ReclaimSexualHealth.com

#R010

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Does More Sex Cure Sex Addiction?

BY RECLAIM TEAM - #R001

Many believe that fantastic, unlimited sex with their spouse would cure their sexual addiction. These individuals are often confused and deeply disappointed when they learn that this approach doesn't work.

Sex addiction is about much more than physical intimacy. Illicit sexual outlets trigger a literal chemical dependency in the brain. Sexual pursuits become a drug-of-choice for self-medication and escape from the stress, pressures, and challenges of life. Just as more sex will not cure a substance abuse addiction, it's not going to heal the chemical dependency created by sexual addiction.

You can regain a close, committed, joyful relationship with your spouse, and break free from unhealthy sexual behaviors.

Many individuals who are struggling with the following statements are also struggling in their own personal relationships. They are finding that sex addiction is creating a divisive wedge in their intimate, committed relationships with destructive consequences. They thought that fantastic, unlimited sex with their spouse would cure their sexual addiction, and are often confused and deeply disappointed when this approach doesn't work.

"Once I get married I won't have a sex addiction problem anymore!"

"Now that I am having sex with the one I love I won't need my old sexual outlets."

"Why do I still look at pornography? I'm getting all the sex I need."

“The sex in my relationship isn't enough, nor what I thought it would be. I still have to seek other ways to have my sexual needs met. I thought this would stop."

"I'm not good enough, is that it? Why does he have to look at pornography anyway? Why?"

"Sex is never good enough for him. He always wants more or something different—what more can I do?"

"When we make love is he thinking about them or me? Who is he having sex with anyway?"

Many men are introduced to pornography and other sexual outlets at an early age. Some had their first exposure as young as age two or three! Unfortunately, when these powerful images and practices enter the highly impressionable, developing brain of a child or teenager, addiction is often the result. They grow up with mistaken beliefs that once they enter adulthood and a committed relationship, their fascination with various sexual outlets will cease. What they fail to understand is that sex addiction is literally a "brain chemical" addiction, in many ways identical to a street drug addiction. Someone hooked on cocaine as a teenager, would not reasonably expect to automatically lose that desire or dependency simply because they reach legal age. Likewise, sex addiction does not magically disappear with adulthood.

Sex Addiction Is Not About Sex

But what about sex? Why would someone continue seeking out pornography, masturbation, and other sexual outlets when they can have sex with their partner? Why would they still have the need? Think of it this way—would having sex eliminate a cocaine addict's desire for their drug? Of course not, because cocaine addiction is not about sex. The same principle applies to sexual addiction. Most people are completely unaware that "sex addiction is NOT about sex." Porn, masturbation, and many other sexual outlets and pursuits create a literal chemical dependency in the brain. The individual uses these outlets as a "drug-of-choice" to escape and "self-medicate" in response to any number of pressures, difficulties, needs, or situations in his life. Having sex is not going to heal a chemical addiction. Sex addiction is about the chemical dependency.

You Can Fool Yourself, But You Can't Fool Your Spouse

It is true that sex can sometimes temporarily reduce the perceived need for pornography and other sexual outlets. However, when one's partner is simply a replacement for addiction, she can usually sense the façade. As the wife of one of the RECLAiM Online Recovery Program students said: "I feel he's just using me to masturbate.

We're not connected." Sexual intimacy doesn't replace or stop sexual addiction. The sex addiction behaviors will create problems in the relationship. And soon, sex with one partner isn't sufficient to meet

the "brain chemical" needs of the addict.

If you're struggling under the burden of porn, masturbation, and other sexual addiction behaviors, be careful not to fool yourself into thinking that if your partner were more sexually exciting and responsive, your problem would be solved. This makes about as much sense as believing sex would eliminate a drinking problem. You have to do the work of treating your addiction—get on the recovery path and put in the time and effort to address the "real" underlying issues and causes of your sexual addiction.

Sex Addiction Can Be Healed

The RECLAiM online recovery program can help you learn about the true nature of your addiction and the steps you must take to start moving toward your freedom. You can break free and you can have a close, committed, wonderful relationship with your spouse. But you can't expect that person to rescue you from the work of recovery, or magically make your struggles go away. They can encourage, support, and walk with you, but only you can make the commitment and get started.

Get Anonymous Help Today

Many who struggle with pornography use don’t get help because they fear the consequences of those close to them finding out their “secret.” We have purposely designed the RECLAIM online recovery program to be completely private and anonymous.

When you're ready, the RECLAiM Online Recovery Program has the training, tools, coaching, and support you need. Sign up today at www.ReclaimSexualHealth.com and begin recovery now!

SIGN UP FOR THE RECLAIM SEXUAL HEALTH ONLINE RECOVERY PROGRAM! www.ReclaimSexualHealth.com

#R001

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WILLPOWER IS NOT ENOUGH

BY THE RECLAIM TEAM - #R011

Common advice to those struggling with pornography use, masturbation, or other unhealthy sexual behaviors is, "You just need to try harder!" Those who struggle with pornography use and other unwanted sexual behaviors, have often tried hard to overcome their addiction countless times, only to fall right back into it each time.

Why does this happen over and over again? It's not because those with these struggles are weak, evil, or a lost cause. It's because these specific ways of thinking and behaving that have developed over time through repetition and have become habit.

An Addiction is a Habit on Steroids

Pornography use and masturbation often begin as a simple experience of stimulation and reward. But through repetition and the rewiring of the brain that happens, the reward circuits of the brain can become habitual to this behavior. Once it has become a habit, it can escalate into problematic behavior quite quickly and it can end up with what our culture calls an “addiction.”

Habit formation is the brain's number one priority. Why? Because the brain's watchword is efficiency, and the most effective way to be efficient is through the formation of habits. This is what the brain seeks—to focus its energy and attention on mastering a skill and, as quickly as possible, make it automatic—a habit. The brain can then move on to direct its efforts at learning and mastering the next skill.

While the brain's habit-formation power is a remarkable gift, it can also make it incredibly difficult to break out of old habits—especially highly advanced habits like "addictions." Once a person’s brain expends the time and energy to develop a habit, whether it's good or bad, it doesn't want to give it up!

If, hundreds or thousands of times, an individual has "practiced" turning to pornography and other sexual behaviors as the most convenient, powerful, and efficient way of instantly escaping boredom, stress, loneliness, and the pressures of life, these outlets become the person’s automatic, dominant "drug of choice." Consistently practicing turning to a particular drug of choice makes that choice automatic—an addiction.

Over time, pornography viewing rewires the brain circuitry and shackles a person in addiction. However, there is great hope! The brain is "neuroplastic" which means it can be shaped, molded, and changed. You do not have to be stuck with your old addiction circuitry! A deliberate action will be needed to break the habit, as well as ongoing practice to retrain the brain will be needed if you are to change. Eventually the brain can rewire itself and create a new, healthier automatic response. It isn’t easy, but it can be done. Have hope in the fact that the brain is highly adaptable. To change your behavior, you need to change your brain. If you work with it rather than against it you will have a better chance of breaking the habitual behaviors. The brain is very adaptable, so the phrase “once an addict, always an addict” simply is NOT TRUE!

Stop Fighting What Your Brain Does Naturally!

If you've tried:

• sheer willpower,

• hyper-avoidance

• complete abstinence,

• running away in fear,

• giving in or

• a host of other techniques

and none of them have worked, you've likely been fighting against the natural current of your brain. Instead, why not "go with the flow" and harness the power of your brain's marvelous habit-formation abilities?

Everything you need to break free is already built into the very structure of your brain. Harnessing and redirecting the brain's natural habit-creating tendencies using RECLAiM's specific tools and exercises can help you break free.

Remember, porn addiction is a specific way of thinking and behaving that has developed over time through repetition. Fighting your addiction only makes it worse because your brain is designed to hold on to what it has already learned. Instead of going to war with your thoughts and urges, you can learn to work with your brain's natural built-in mechanisms for positive change. The RECLAiM resources and the RECLAiM Online Recovery Program can show you how!

TESTIMONIES — Participants wrote these messages to their program’s personal coach:

“Your program really works and it’s been a life-saver!”

Coach-

I have wanted to change for many years. In the past I have gone over the plan in my head to get this accomplished. I slipped up over and over again because I used denial and forced restraint. FRC has been the missing tool I needed. So far, all has gone extremely well. I have not been porn and masturbation free for this long ever (at least 45 years). I am so happy I found this online program before things got totally out of hand and before those close to me were hurt more. I feel I am back on the road to a “normal” life. I understand that I need to talk to someone about my dark side if for no other reason than to get it into the light and expose the ugliness and thus diminish the allure. I have confessed to priests in the past and will continue to do so. Also, I have a very close friend who knows but not to the extent it was controlling my life. However, this forum and the lessons has been the real answer to my prayers.

“Your program really works and it’s been a life-saver!”

Coach

Just wanted to let you know that the long slow development of brain-circuitry necessary to help me change habits which have been with me for almost 40 years (in regards to masturbation) and over 13 years (in regards to viewing pornography with some regularity) has been slowly happening. I’ve been practicing the program principles diligently for almost two years. Even though for a long time my calendar did not appear to show a dramatic reduction in patterns of unhealthy behavior, I still remained very hopeful that the building-blocks necessary for that change were actually going into place. Now, I’m finally experiencing the longer and longer periods of maintaining healthy habits. My relationships with everyone, including myself and my wife have noticeably improved. I’m getting stronger and have more and more ‘real-life’ successes – both in avoiding unhealthy behavior, as well as in engaging in lots of healthy and life-giving relationship and activities. I’m very hopeful and wanted to thank you for being there to help guide me through this process. Your program really works and it’s been a life-saver! I’m going to keep on practicing and advocating for myself. God bless your day.

SIGN UP FOR THE RECLAIM SEXUAL HEALTH ONLINE RECOVERY PROGRAM! www.ReclaimSexualHealth.com

#R011

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You Don't Have to Be A Hermit to Break Free

By the RECLAIM Team - Primary Contributor: Dr. Bernell Christensen - #R013

Everyone has a "sex drive"—it's God-given and normal to experience sexual thoughts and desires. In fact, this is the "the power to co-create life" and “bond” being manifest in us. This includes the power to co-create a human life, and to co-create the life of a marriage relationship.

Having sexual urges and desires in no way makes you a bad or perverted person! It's what you do with these urges—how you direct this power and this energy, that makes all the difference.

Sexuality is an urge, a desire, an appetite, and a want. It's not a need. It's not something we must have to sustain life. It's much like other wants we have. We may want chocolate, rich desserts, and other sweets, but we don't need them. If we overindulge in these types of foods, they become destructive. We have to use them in moderation and within normal, healthy boundaries.

There are also healthy limits and boundaries we should place around our sexual appetites. When we exer- cise our sexual desires responsibly within a healthy, committed, lifelong marriage relationship, we can experience our greatest happiness. If we don't restrain our sexual desires and activities, we can lose time, relationships, happiness, respect, employment, sleep, and contract terrible diseases— some that can even kill us! Controlling appetites is really not so unusual, we do it all the time with many things. It doesn't mean we don't have these desires, it just means we must direct, manage, limit, regulate, and use them wisely.

When attempting to overcome unwanted sexual behaviors, struggling individuals often feel great frustration in connection with their sex drive. They speak of years of gritting their teeth and clenching their fists in a fight to suppress sexual feelings. Unfortunately, they have completely misinterpreted the nature and purpose for these feelings.

When you feel sexual arousal, it doesn't have to be destructive. It's simply a creative power and energy that wants to be expressed in some way. How you choose to direct that energy fully determines whether its expression will bring you peace, joy and fulfillment, or disconnection, emptiness, and depression.

An example of trying to shut down sexual drive vs. directing it for incredible good, is the familiar image of a dam. If a dam's only purpose were to completely stop the flow of water, eventually the dam would overflow or burst. A dam's real purpose is to redirect water for a higher purpose.

When sexual drive—or creative energy—is felt, its highest purpose and best use can be to form powerful bonds, closeness and friendship between two human beings; create new life; and be redirected to contribute to the happiness and success of everyone around you.

The key is to direct it according to God’s plan. In a married relationship the sexual, creative energy can be directed to the marital embrace of intercourse when and if it is done with the purpose of bonding and openness to life. Outside of those boundaries, sexual drive must be channeled in ways that are appropriate.

For a variety of reasons even married couples must be abstinent for prolonged periods of time. When you feel a sexual urge, it is creative energy looking for a way to be expressed. If you're not with the right person and in the right setting, you don't have to go to war with the urge. You can direct it for good. Many people discover that abstinence offers an increased amount of energy, focus, and creativity. Spiritual growth, boundless levels of physical energy, and a strong mental focus can occur. Sex can become a distraction that takes away the energy to pursue great endeavors.

Releasing that energy through orgasm can become a quick release that tempers the drive to action in other areas of life. Our stimulation-seeking culture abuses sex by over-indulgence in it. Too many people are wasting their sexual energy. Looking at pornography on the internet and masturbating depletes sexual energy, wastes time, and causes a person to be isolated, unproductive, and weak. Sexual energy that is channeled into healthy outlets gives a person greater imagination, creativity, courage, willpower, persistence, and more. The sexual energy within us can be such a motivation that we are willing to sacrifice and even die for another. Imagine if you could harness your sexual energy and use it towards helping others, building relationships, and pursuing the greater good!

You can learn how to channel and redirect your sexual urges and energy to achieve what you want most out of life. You must learn how to use your sexual energy in a way that transforms it from physical expression to an emotional and spiritual purpose. If you can accept the sexual drive as just part of your nature and realize it is just part of who you are, you can rise above it. You can learn to control your sexual drive and not let it control you! Don’t deny it, run from it, or let it consume your life. Escaping or repressing sexuality isn’t going to work. Sexual energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be transformed. Channel it into constructive activities according to your state in life, and what is appropriate. You will discover an increase in energy, focus, and inspiration.

Sexual energy can be transformed into acts of heroism. Some call it the “superpower” that motivates sacrifice and actions that can save an individual or the world. Sociologists are commenting on the decline of male strength and altruism. They often blame it on the readily available pornography leading to an increase of masturbation and depletion of sexual energy that is needed to reach beyond oneself to help others.

You can start overcoming your unwanted sexual behaviors and outlets. The RECLAiM program is designed to give you the training, resources, tools, and support you need to achieve this. Why not get started today?

SIGN UP FOR THE RECLAIM SEXUAL HEALTH ONLINE RECOVERY PROGRAM! www.ReclaimSexualHealth.com

#R013

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https://www.reclaimsexualhealth.com

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My purpose in these posts is to bring together significant and, where possible, representative echoes of our best efforts as human beings to make sense of our lives in general - and of our human sexuality in particular - and to also include the voice of Jesus Christ, the one Saviour of the world, and testimonies from his Church, such as through her teaching voice, the Magisterium; given that the Church has been accumulating the wisdom granted her by Almighty God since her foundation at Pentecost. In this way, wherever there is darkness in our human understanding, it will serve to highlight the bright and radiant truth, which is Jesus Christ: "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you know me, you will know my Father also." John's Gospel 14:6-7     G.S.

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© 2006-2023 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2006-2023 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC
 

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Tuesday, April 18, 2017

CHILDREN HAVE RIGHTS - 8 varied sources and perspectives on the rapidly evolving situation of children overlooked, neglected, or suffering

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There are facts and truths that "sexual libertarians" don't want society or public opinion to know, that even they don't want to know. To sum up those facts - accumulated in different human cultures and societies - we don't need sex to live a full life and be content. To define one's identity on the basis of our sexuality alone is to reduce our human value and dignity. I am a lot more than just my genitalia, and so are you. G.S.

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My purpose in these posts is to bring together significant and, where possible, representative echoes of our best human efforts to make sense of our lives - and of our human sexuality in particular - also including the voice of Jesus Christ, the one Saviour of the world, and testimonies from his Church, such as through her teaching voice, the Magisterium. The Church has been accumulating much valuable wisdom granted her by Almighty God since her foundation at Pentecost. In this way, wherever there is darkness in our human understanding, it will serve to highlight the bright and radiant truth, which is Jesus Christ: "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you know me, you will know my Father also." John's Gospel 14:6-7 
Father Gilles Surprenant, priest & poustinik

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 In each case, please go to the link for the complete article.

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1.  A Child Is a Gift, Not a Right or an Object   

2.  What about children? "Redefiing Marriage: The case for caution"  

3.  How Heterosexual Marriage Protects Children’s Rights And Best Interests  

4.  First-Person: Same-Sex 'Marriage' Have the Best Interests of Children Been Considered?                DAWN STEFANOWICZ   I grew up in a homosexual household during the 60s and 70s in Toronto, exposed to many different people, the GLBT subcultures, and explicit sexual practices.

5.  Same-Sex Marriage Is Harmful to Children - From Opposing Viewpoints in Context Gay Marriage, 2012

6.  Childrenhave Human RightsIssues with redefining marriage

7.  Marriage: What It Is, Why It Matters, and the Consequences of Redefining It   

SUMMARY    Marriage is based on the truth that men and women are complementary, the biological fact that reproduction depends on a man and a woman, and the reality that children need a mother and a father. Redefining marriage does not simply expand the existing understanding of marriage; it rejects these truths. Marriage is society’s least restrictive means of ensuring the well-being of children. By encouraging the norms of marriage—monogamy, sexual exclusivity, and permanence—the state strengthens civil society and reduces its own role. The future of this country depends on the future of marriage. The future of marriage depends on citizens understanding what it is and why it matters and demanding that government policies support, not undermine, true marriage.

8.  Contemporary Developments in Child Protection - Volume 3: Broadening Challenges in Child Protection Edited by Nigel Parton - MDPI Switzerland (Multidisciplinary Digital Publishing Institute - 2015 

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1.  A Child Is a Gift, Not a Right or an Object
        I Was Astonished to Find Thisin the Catechism   Leila Miller    April 18, 2017

Adults in our society are “discovering” new “rights” for themselves at an astonishing rate, but to the detriment of authentic rights—including the rights of children. When I read the following paragraph from the Catechism a few years ago, it stopped me in my tracks. I have never forgotten it, perhaps because of how thoroughly the culture has.

A child is not something owed to one, but is a gift. The "supreme gift of marriage" is a human person. A child may not be considered a piece of property, an idea to which an alleged "right to a child" would lead. In this area, only the child possesses genuine rights: the right "to be the fruit of the specific act of the conjugal love of his parents," and "the right to be respected as a person from the moment of his conception" (CCC 2378).

The Church says to adults: you have no right to a child. You have a natural and God-given right to many things, but a child is not one of them. 

Why? Because a child is a gift.

We may hear that phrase bandied about, but do we really understand it? Think about the nature of any gift—it is never owed. A gift is given freely and willingly by the giver, never required and never demanded. You cannot force someone to give you a gift, or else it ceases to be a gift.

The minute an adult believes that having a child is his “right,” it follows that a child must be supplied, in whatever way necessary to attain that right. It would be a matter of justice, after all as our rights are owed to us!

But when our thinking goes there (and it has in our culture), we begin to justify the ways in which we will “get” the children we are owed; a human child is now a commodity to be made and possessed. Furthermore, once a child is “considered a piece of property,” as the Church describes it, all manner of injustice against the child is now permissible. After all, what do we do with property? Well, whatever we’d like, including buying it, selling it, manipulating it, disposing of it. Property has no rights at all. 

And yet, the Church says to the child: You have the right to be created from the marital act of your own two parents. You, the child, are the only one who “possesses genuine rights” in this area of human existence.

Despite what the voices around us say, every child has a natural, primal right to be conceived from an act of lovemaking between his married mom and dad. Strip away all the clamor of noise around us, the false promises that “you can have whatever you want,” and remember what God’s design for marriage and family, “in the beginning,” looked like—a child as the fruit of his parents’ one-flesh union. This design and order has not changed.

So, because a child has a right to be “the fruit of the specific act of the conjugal love of his parents,” reproductive interventions such as IVF, donor eggs/sperm, and surrogacy are always morally wrong. Pro-life attorney Dorinda Bordlee of the Bioethics Defense Fund calls these procedures “human reproductive trafficking.” Legal contracts are negotiated and vast sums of money are exchanged for human gametes. The child’s conception is literally put in the hands of a third party, and biological mothers and fathers are reduced to body parts to be rented, bought, or sold.

The truth of this is not easy for many to hear today. After all, what could be wrong with the desire to have a child, especially infertile couples of good will who desperately want a baby and have no intention of discarding “excess” embryos during an IVF cycle or “selectively reducing” (i.e., aborting) one or more children once multiples are implanted? The answer is that there is nothing wrong with the desire. The desire of a husband and wife to have a child is holy and good. But their good intention does not justify the use of evil means. (See the Catechism 1750-1761.)

Infertility is a heavy cross, and infertile couples certainly may avail themselves of any and all moral reproductive technologies available to treat or cure their infertility so that they might conceive and bear a child naturally. This could include hormonal therapies or drugs to stimulate ovulation or aid embryo implantation, or holistic approaches (such as NaPro Technologythat address and attempt to heal the underlying problem or pathology, something artificial reproduction cannot do.

For a couple who cannot conceive a child even after treatments (or who would prefer to forego treatment), adoption is a beautiful option. Some might wonder: Doesn’t adoption treat a child as a “right” not a gift? And what of the fact that an adopted child does not stay with the couple who conceived him? First, we remember that adoption is about the needs of the child, not about fulfilling the desires of the adults (although that would be a happy consequence). Adoption is, therefore, a restoration of what has been lost to a child. Again, it is the child who possesses the rights here, not the adults. 

The other fundamental human right the child possesses, according to the Catechism, is the right “to be respected as a person from the first moment of conception.” That “supreme gift of marriage,” a new human person, is a life sacred and inviolable, just like the rest of us. Every child conceived is made to love and be loved, never to be used, certainly never to be killed. This reality affirms and protects not only the dignity of the child, but the dignity of each person, and of marriage, too. 

God’s creation and his laws are beautiful because they form a tapestry of truth. We may get confused living in a relativistic and consequentialistic culture, but when we back up, when we clear our minds and open our hearts to first principles, things fall into place and we can see the beauty of God’s perfect design.

https://www.catholic.com/magazine/online-edition/i-was-astonished-to-find-this-in-the-catechism

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2.  What about children? "Redefining Marriage: The case for caution" 

Summary        The Government’s proposal to introduce same-sex marriage seems to rest on reasons of equality, stability and convenience. But on closer inspection, these are respectively incomplete, speculative and negligible. As currently defined, marriage secures the equal value of men and women. It also promotes the welfare of children. By contrast, the new definition of marriage will unavoidably call into question its exclusivity, its permanence and even its sexual nature. Such an unravelling of marriage is too high a price to pay for a proposal which fulfils no practical legal need.

https://www.jubilee-centre.org/cambridge-papers/redefining-marriage-the-case-for-caution

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3.  How Heterosexual Marriage Protects Children’s Rights And Best Interests  

Presentation to the State of Massachusetts Judiciary Commission
By Louis DeSerres, B.A., M.B.A.

For the first time in over 150 years, the fight for human rights, which has led to the abolition of slavery, the emancipation of women and civil rights for African-Americans, is now in the process of turning backwards. With same sex marriage we are now taking away the fundamental rights of our most vulnerable citizens, children. We are also entering an era where freedom of speech is being challenged. (Read the full presentation at the link or at the end of this post.)

https://www.votemarriagecanada.ca/family/how-heterosexual-marriage-protects-childrens-rights-and-best-interests

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4.  First-Person: Same-Sex 'Marriage' Have the Best Interests of Children Been Considered?              DAWN STEFANOWICZ   I grew up in a homosexual household during the 60s and 70s in                         Toronto, exposed to many different people, the GLBT subcultures, and explicit sexual practices.

Notice to Reader: "The Boards of both CERC Canada and CERC USA are aware that the topic of homosexuality is a controversial one that deeply affects the personal lives of many North Americans. Both Boards strongly reiterate the Catechism's teaching that people who self-identify as gays and lesbians must be treated with 'respect, compassion, and sensitivity' (CCC #2358). The Boards also support the Church's right to speak to aspects of this issue in accordance with her own self-understanding. Articles in this section have been chosen to cast light on how the teachings of the Church intersect with the various social, moral, and legal developments in secular society. CERC will not publish articles which, in the opinion of the editor, expose gays and lesbians to hatred or intolerance."

My name is Dawn Stefanowicz, I grew up in a homosexual household during the 60s and 70s in Toronto, exposed to many different people, the GLBT subcultures, and explicit sexual practices. I am currently writing a book, soon to be published, on this experience. As well, I was a witness at the Standing Senate Committee on Legal and Constitutional Affairs on Bill C-250 (hate crimes), and I have presented at the local school board.

My biggest concern is that children are not being discussed in this same-sex marriage debate. Yet, won't the next step for some gay activists be to ask for legal adoption of children if same-sex marriage is legalized? I have considered some of the potential physical and psychological health risks for children raised in this situation. I was at high risk of exposure to contagious STDs due to sexual molestation, my father's high-risk sexual behaviors, and multiple partners. Even when my father was in what looked like monogamous relationships, he continued cruising for anonymous sex.

I came to deeply care for, love and compassionately understand my dad. He shared his life regrets with me. Unfortunately, my father, as a child, was sexually and physically abused by older males. Due to this, he lived with depression, control issues, anger outbursts, suicidal tendencies, and sexual compulsions. He tried to fulfill his legitimate needs for his father's affirmation, affection and attention with transient and promiscuous relationships. He and his partners were exposed to various contagious STD's as they traveled across North America. My father's (ex)partners, whom I had deep caring feelings for and associated with, had drastically shortened lives due to suicide, contracting HIV or Aids. Sadly, my father died of AIDS in 1991.

Are my childhood experiences unique? According to a growing number of personal testimonies, experts, and organizations, there is mounting evidence of strong commonalities to my personal experiences2-13. Not only do children do best with both a mother and a father in a lifelong marriage bond14,15, children need responsible monogamous parents who have no extramarital sexual partners. Parental promiscuity, abuse and divorce are not good for children.

If same-sex marriage is legalized, a person, couple or group who practice any form of sexual behavior would eventually be able to obtain children through previous heterosexual relationships, new reproductive technologies, and adoption due to the undefined term sexual orientation. This would force all public and private adoption agencies to hand over children into experimental relationships or risk charges of discrimination. 

What is the most suitable environment for children to be born or adopted into?16 The many personal, professional and social experiences with my father did not teach me respect for morality, authority, marriage, and paternal love. I felt fearfully silenced as I was not allowed to talk about my dad, his male housemates, his lifestyle and encounters within the subcultures without being browbeaten and threatened by my father. While I lived at home, I had to live by his rules. Yes, I loved my dad. However, I felt abandoned and neglected as my needs were not met since my father would often leave suddenly to be with his partners for days. His partners were not really interested in me. I was outraged at the incidences of same-sex domestic abuse, sexual advances toward minors, and loss of sexual partners as if people were only commodities. I sought comfort looking for my father's love from boyfriends starting at 12 years old.

From a young age, I was exposed to explicit sexual speech, self-indulgent lifestyles, varied GLBT subcultures and gay vacation spots. Sex looked gratuitous to me as a child. I was exposed to all-inclusive manifestations of sexuality including bathhouse sex, cross-dressing, sodomy, pornography, gay nudity, lesbianism, bisexuality, minor recruitment, voyeurism and exhibitionism. Sado-masochism was alluded to and aspects demonstrated. Alcohol and drugs were often contributing factors to lower inhibitions in my father's relationships.

My father prized unisex dressing, gender-neutral aspects and a famous cross-dressing icon when I was eight years old. I did not see the value of biological complementing differences of male and female or think about marriage. I made vows to never have children since I had not grown up in a safe, sacrificial, child-centered home environment. Due to my life experience, I ask, "Can children really perform their best academically, financially, psychologically, socially and behaviorally in experimental situations?" I can tell you that I suffered long term in this situation, and this has been professionally documented.

Over two decades of direct exposure to these stressful experiences caused me insecurity, depression, suicidal thoughts, dread, anxiousness, low self-esteem, sleeplessness and sexuality confusion. My conscience and innocence were seriously damaged. I witnessed that every other family member suffered severely as well.

It took me until I was into my 20s and 30s, after making major life choices, to begin to realize how being raised in this environment affected me. My healing encompassed facing reality, accepting long-term consequences, and offering forgiveness. Can you imagine being forced to tolerate unstable relationships and diverse sexual practices from a young age and how this affected my development? My gender identity, psychological well-being, and peer relationships were affected. Unfortunately, it was not until my father, his sexual partners and my mother had died, was I free to speak publicly about my experiences.

I believe same-sex marriage will dispose of unique values esteemed within marriage as recognized throughout history. Marriage needs to remain a societal foundation that constitutes, represents, and defends the inherently procreative relationship between the husband and the wife for the welfare of their biological children.17 Children need consistent appropriate boundaries and secure expressions of emotional intimacy that are not sexualized in the home and community.

The term "sexual orientation" does not distinguish between the individual, feelings of sexual attraction to a particular person or object, or the individual's sexual behavior or preferences. Thence, a person practicing pansexuality, which is diverse sexual expression, could not be discriminated against even with children present.

Are the government and judicial systems playing games with children, forcing upstanding citizens to tolerate all forms of diverse sexual expression against their will, conscience and or religious freedom?

Why is such a small, unrepresentative clique within the GLBT subcultures wanting same-sex marriage? Mr. John McKellar, Executive Director of H.O.P.E. (Homosexuals Opposed to Pride Extremism) has stated, and I quote:

"It is selfish and rude for the gay community to push same-sex marriage legislation and redefine society's traditions and conventions for our own self-indulgence .... Federal and provincial laws are being changed and the traditional values are being compromised just to appease a tiny, self-anointed clique."18

In my opinion, same-sex marriage will put the human rights of the individual in a higher place than what is best for society, families and especially children. Canadians should decide and not judges.19 Human rights were meant to protect the individual and not groups.20 In this crucial debate, children's human rights have become secondary, ignored and denied.

Moreover, if Canadians do not stop same-sex marriage, we will lose all of our freedom to address issues around sexuality with moral and religious vigor. By the way, the gay agenda in schools may owe its origin to Marshall Kirk and Erastes Pill who published the article "The Overhauling of Straight America"21. If we do not stop Bill C-38, the gay agenda will prevail in every Canadian public and private academic environment22, inundating school environments with advocacy and sexually explicit resources and curriculum that mock parents' authority, moral rectitude, and religious traditions.

Already this is happening under the banner of anti-bullying, safe schools' policies and through Gay-Straight Alliances. In reality, these policies provide a direct legal entranceway of indoctrination, desensitization, personal and political recruitment of our vulnerable children by some gay activists within our schools while silencing all students who oppose the gay agenda.23

Similarly, all those who oppose the Canadian laws recognizing same-sex marriage would not be allowed to speak, express or gesture opposition, even on religious grounds. Look how the hate crime legislation Bill C-250 has instilled fear and is silencing the church. Did you know that the separation of church and state was enacted to protect religious freedom and conscience? Will religious freedom be trumped by sexual freedom?24 Will religious faith expressions and practices by individuals and organizations be prohibited by such bills as C-38 and others? We have an obligation, for the sake of our children, to speak freely and to direct the laws of our land.

Will the Canadian government and judges legally promote unhealthy and unsound environments that encourage motherless and fatherless units through same-sex marriage?25 Ultimately, children will be the real victims and losers if same-sex marriage is legally enacted. What hope can I offer innocent children who have no voice? What price is Canada willing to pay for sexual freedom, tolerance and diversity? Is that price children's lives?26 Government and judges need to advance and defend marriage as between a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others for the sake of our children.

Endnotes:

1.       Proverbs 8:1-3. New International Version.

2.       Jakii Edwards, "Like Mother, Like Daughter? The effects of growing up in a homosexual home", (Vienna, VA: Xulon Press, 2001). Also, see testimonial "Just Like My Mother?", Exodus International, North America. See http://exodus.to/testimonials_Family_11.shtml extracted 26/03/2005.

3.       Suzanne Cook, "My Parent is Gay", (Seattle, WA: Exodus International-North America, 2000). Also, see testimonial "Looking For My Father's Love," Exodus International, North America. See http://exodus.to/testimonials_Family_12.shtmlextracted 26/03/2005.

4.       "A Son's Journey," 1997 Nathan Bell, Distributed by Love In Action, 24/03/2005.

5.       "Mitchell," "The Tragedy of "Gay" Parenting," Stephen Bennett Ministries, 25/03/2005.

6.       Paul Cameron and Kirk Cameron, "Children Of Homosexual Parents Report Childhood Difficulties," Psychological Reports 2002, 90, 71-82. Also see http://www.familyresearchinst.org/FRI_homokids.html?story=831 extracted 24/03/2005.

7.       Timothy J. Dailey, Ph. D., "Comparing the Lifestyles of Homosexual Couples to Married Couples," Family Research Council, April 17, 2004. See http://www.frc.org/get.cfm?I=IS04C02&v=PRINT extracted 24/03.2005.

8.       Timothy Dailey, Ph. D., "Homosexual Parenting: Placing Children at Risk," Family Research Council, Issue No.:238. See http://www.frc.org/get.cfm?I=IS01J3 extracted 24/03/2005.

9.       Jon Dougherty, "Report: Pedophilia more common among 'gays' Report purports to reveal 'dark side' of homosexual culture." WorldNetDaily, Monday April 29, 2002.

10.   "Standards 4 Life: Homosexuality," "Homosexual Adoption. Good for Children's Health?", Christian Medical & Dental Associations. See http://www.cmdahome.org/index.cgi?BISKIT=1695154697&CONTEXT=art&art=2649extracted 24/03/2005.

11.   "Homosexuality and Hope," Statement of the Catholic Medical Association. See http://catholiceducation.org/articles/homosexuality/ho0039.htmll extracted 24/03/2005

12.   Dale O'Leary, "Is This Diversity, Or Tragedy: Children as Victims of their Parents' Choices,"' NARTH. See http://www.narth.com/docs/diversity.html extracted 24/03/2005.

13.   ''Gay marriage' and homosexuality some medical comments," LifeSite, by authors of this report: John Shea,MD, FRCP (C), Radiologist; John K. Wilson MD, FRCP (C), Cardiologist; Paul Ranalli MD, FRCP (C), Neurologist; Christina Paulaitis MD, CCFP, Family Physician; Luigi Castagna MD, FRCP (C), Paediatric Neurologist; Hans-Christian Raabe MD, MRCP MRCGP Internist; W. André Lafrance MD, FRCP (C), Dermatologist.

14.   S. Sarantakos, "Children in three contexts: family, education and social development," Children Australia, 21, (1996), 23-31.

15.   "Children Need Both A Mother And A Father," NARTH. See http://www.narth.com/docs/needboth.html extracted 27/03/2005.

16.   "Sidelining Stability and Security The case against abandoning the current grounds for adoption," The Christian Institute June 2002.

17.   Daniel Cere & Douglas Farrow, eds., Divorcing Marriage, (Montreal & Kingston, Ontario: Published for the Institute for the Study of Marriage, Law and Culture by McGill-Queen's University Press, 2004), p.78.

18.   Quote taken from Patrick W. O'Brien, M.P.'s speech delivered in the House of Commons regarding Bill C-38, 38th Parliament, 1st Session, Edited Hansard, Number 061, Contents Monday, February 21, 2005. See 1345-1355 http://www.parl.gc.ca/38/1/parlbus/chambus/house/debates/061_2005-02-21/HAN061-E.htm#Int-1142182 extracted 24/03/2005.

19.   Daniel Cere & Douglas Farrow, eds., Divorcing Marriage, (Montreal & Kingston, Ontario: Published for the Institute for the Study of Marriage, Law and Culture by McGill-Queen's University Press, 2004), pp.151, 152.

20.   In the Supreme Court of Canada, In the Matter of Section 53 of the Supreme Court Act, R.S.C., 1985 C. S-26 In the Matter of a Reference By the Governor in Council Concerning the Proposal For an Act Respecting Certain Aspects of Legal Capacity for Marriage for Civil Purposes, as Set out in Order in Council P.C. 2003-1055, Dated the 16th Day of July 2003, Factum of the Intervener The Canadian Conference of Catholic Bishops, (52.), p.26. See http://www.cccb.ca/Files/SupremeCourtMarriage.pdfextracted 24/03/2005.

21.   David Limbaugh, Persecution How Liberals Are Waging War Against Christianity, (Washington, DC, Regnery Publishing, Inc., 2003), 94-110.

22.   Linda Harvey, "The World According to PFLAG: Why PFLAG and Children Don't Mix," NARTH. See http://www.narth.com/docs/pflag2.html extracted 24/03/2005.

23.   Peter Sprigg, "The 'Recruiting' of Children Into Accepting Homosexuality: How Homosexuality in Schools Furthers an Agenda," Family Research Council.

24.   In the Supreme Court of Canada, In the Matter of Section 53 of the Supreme Court Act, R.S.C., 1985 C. S-26 In the Matter of a Reference By the Governor in Council Concerning the Proposal For an Act Respecting Certain Aspects of Legal Capacity for Marriage for Civil Purposes, pp. 27-31. See http://www.cccb.ca/Files/SupremeCourtMarriage.pdf extracted 24/03/2005.

25.   Maggie Gallagher and Joshua K. Baker, "Do Mothers and Fathers Matter?", iMapp Policy Brief, Institute for Marriage and Public Policy. See http://www.marriagedebate.com/pdf/MothersFathersMatter.pdf extracted 27/03/2005.

26.   Susan Brinkmann, "Homosexuality: The Untold Story: Gay Marriage: Who's Minding the Children?", Part 5 of 6, The Catholic Standard and Times Newspaper for the Archdiocese of Philadelphia. See http://catholiceducation.org/articles/homosexuality/ho0090.html extracted 27/03/2005.

Acknowledgement

Dawn Stefanowicz. "First-Person: Same-Sex 'Marriage' - Have the Best Interests of Children Been Considered?" Agape Press (June 17, 2005).

CERC - Catholic Education resource Center 

This article reprinted with permission from Agape Press.    The Author     Copyright © 2005 

 
Agape Presshttps://www.catholiceducation.org/en/marriage-and-family/sexuality/first-person-same-sex-marriage-have-the-best-interests-of-children-been-considered.html

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5.  Same-Sex Marriage Is Harmful to Children - From Opposing Viewpoints in Context Gay Marriage, 2012

Trayce Hansen is a licensed psychologist with a clinical and forensic practice and an interest in the areas of marriageparenting, male/female differences, and homosexuality. Supporters of same-sex marriage think that children really just need love, but this is not the case. Research shows that the ideal family structure for children is to be raised by both a mother and a father. Only this traditional type of family gives children the chance to relate to both a same-sex parent and a parent of the opposite sex. Although the research on same-sex parenting is very limited, some of it suggests that children raised in same-sex households will be more likely to be sexually confused and to experiment with sex. Also if same-sex marriage is allowed, it opens the door for other types of non-traditional marriage, such as polygamous relationships. Homosexual couples clearly can be just as loving to children as heterosexual couples, but love is not enough.

As mental health professionals, it's our ethical and moral obligation to support policies that are in the best interest of those we serve, particularly those who are most vulnerable—namely, children. Same-sex marriage may be in the best interest of adult homosexuals who yearn for social and legal recognition of their unions, but it's not in the best interest of children.

A Two-Parent, Mother-Father Family Is Ideal

Proponents of same-sex marriage believe love is all children really need. Based on that supposition, they conclude it's just as good for children to be raised by loving parents of the same sex, as by loving parents of the opposite sex. But that basic assumption—and all that flows from it—is naively simplistic and denies the complex nature and core needs of human beings.

Fathers reduce behavioral problems in boys and psychological problems in girls.

According to decades of research, the ideal family structure for children is a two-parent, mother-father family. That research consistently shows that children raised in such families are more likely to thrive—psychologically, mentally, and physically—than children reared in any other kind of family configuration.

Extensive research also reveals that not only mothers, but also fathers, are critical to the healthy development of children. Swedish researchers reviewed the best longitudinal studies from around the world that assessed the effects of fathers on children's development. Their review spanned 20 years of studies and included over 22,000 children, and found that fathers reduce behavioral problems in boys and psychological problems in girls, enhance cognitive development, and decrease delinquency.

It's clear that children benefit from having both a male and female parent. Recent medical research confirms genetically determined differences between men and women and those fundamental differences help explain why mothers and fathers bring unique characteristics to parenting that can't be replicated by the other sex. Mothers and fathers simply aren't interchangeable. Two women can both be good mothers, but neither can be a good father. One-sex parenting, whether by a single parent or a homosexual couple, deprives children of the full range of parenting offered by dual-sex couples.

Only mother-father families afford children the opportunity to develop relationships with a parent of the same, as well as the opposite sex. Relationships with both sexes early in life make it easier and more comfortable for a child to relate to both sexes later in life. Overall, having a relationship with both a male and female parent increases the likelihood that a child will have successful social and romantic relationships during his or her life.

Problems with Same-Sex Parented Families

Moreover, existing research on children reared by homosexuals is not only scientifically flawed and extremely limited but some of it actually indicates that those children are at increased risk for a variety of negative outcomes. Other studies find that homosexually parented children are more likely to experiment sexually, experience sexual confusion, and engage in homosexual and bisexual behavior themselves. And for those children who later engage in non-heterosexual behavior, extensive research reveals they are more likely to suffer from psychiatric disorders, abuse alcohol and drugs, attempt suicide, experience domestic violence and sexual assault, and are at increased risk for chronic diseases, AIDS, and shortened life spans.

Same-sex marriage no doubt will increase sexual confusion and sexual experimentation by young people.

It shouldn't be surprising that studies find children reared by homosexuals are more likely to engage in homosexual behavior themselves since extensive worldwide research reveals homosexuality is primarily environmentally induced. Specifically, social and/or family factors, as well as permissive environments which affirm homosexuality, play major environmental roles in the development of homosexual behavior. There's no question that human sexuality is fluid and pliant. Consider ancient Greece and Rome—among many early civilizations—where male homosexuality and bisexuality were nearly ubiquitous. That was not so because most of those men were born with a "gay gene," rather because sexuality is malleable and socially influenced.

Same-sex marriage no doubt will increase sexual confusion and sexual experimentation by young people, the implicit and explicit message of same-sex marriage is that all choices are equally acceptable and desirable. So even children from traditional homes—influenced by the all-sexual-options-are-equal message—will grow up thinking it doesn't matter whom one relates to sexually or marries. Holding such a belief will lead some—if not many—young people to consider sexual and marital arrangements they never would have contemplated previously.

It also must be expected that if society permits same-sex marriage, it also will have to allow other types of non-traditional marriage. The legal logic is simple: If prohibiting same-sex marriage is discriminatory, then disallowing polygamous marriage, polyamorous marriage, or any other marital grouping also will be deemed discriminatory. In fact, such legal maneuverings have already begun. The emotional and psychological ramifications of these assorted arrangements on the developing psyches and sexuality of children would be disastrous.

Fighting for the Needs of Children

To date, very little research exists that assesses long-term outcomes for homosexually parented children. According to Charlotte Patterson, a self-proclaimed, pro-same-sex-marriage researcher, there are only two longitudinal studies of children raised by lesbians. And no long-term studies of children raised by homosexual men. A professional organization dedicated to the welfare of its patients cannot and should not support drastic change in social policybased on just two, small and non-representative longitudinal studies.

Certainly homosexual couples can be just as loving toward children as heterosexual couples, but children need more than love. They require the distinctive qualities and complementary natures of a male and female parent. The accumulated wisdom of over 5,000 years concludes that the ideal marital and parental configuration is composed of one man and one woman. This time-tested wisdom is now supported by the most advanced, scientifically sound research available.

Importantly, and to their credit, many self-proclaimed pro-same-sex-marriage researchers acknowledge that there is as of yet no definitive evidence as to the impact of homosexual parenting on children. Regardless, some of those advocates support same-sex marriage because they believe it offers a natural laboratory in which to assess the long-term impact on children. That position is unconscionable and indefensible.

Same-sex marriage isn't in the best interest of children. While we may empathize with those homosexuals who long to be married and parent children, we mustn't allow our compassion for them to trump our compassion for children. In a contest between the desires of some homosexuals and the needs of all children, we cannot allow the children to lose.

Further Readings

Books

·         Gordon A. Babst, Emily R. Gill, and Jason PiercesonMoral Argument, Religion, and Same-Sex Marriage: Advancing the Public Good, Lanham, MD: Lexington Books, 2009.

·         M.V. Lee BadgettWhen Gay People Get Married: What Happens When Societies Legalize Same-Sex Marriage, New York: New York University Press, 2009.

·         David BlankenhornThe Future of Marriage, Jackson, TN: Encounter Books, 2009.

·         George ChaunceyWhy Marriage: The History Shaping Today's Debate Over Gay Equality, New York: Basic Books, 2009.

·         David Orgon Coolidge, William C. Duncan, Mark Strasser and Lynn D. WardleMarriage and Same-Sex Unions: A Debate, Santa Barbara, CA: Praeger, 2008.

·         Evan GerstmannSame-Sex Marriage and the Constitution, Cambridge, MA: Cambridge University Press, 2008.

·         Patricia A. GozembaHistory of America's First Legal Same-Sex Marriages, Ypsilanti, MI: Beacon Press, 2007.

·         Frederick Hertz and Emily DoskowMaking it Legal: A Guide to Same-Sex Marriage, Domestic Partnerships & Civil Unions, Berkeley, CA: NOLO, 2011

·         Andrew KoppelmanSame Sex, Different States: When Same-Sex Marriages Cross State Lines, New Haven, CT: Yale University Press, 2006.

·         Sheri Lynne LawsonThe Spell of Religion: And the Battle over Gay Marriage, Parker, CO: Outskirts Press, 2009.

·         Man Yee Karen LeeEquality, Dignity, and Same-Sex Marriage: A Rights Disagreement in Democratic Societies, Leiden, The Netherlands: Martinus Nijhoff Publishers, 2010.

·         Susan Gluck MezeyGay Families and the Courts: The Quest for Equal Rights, Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, 2009.

·         Nancy D. Polikoff and Michael BronskiBeyond (Straight and Gay) Marriage: Valuing All Families Under the Law, Ypsilanti, MI: Beacon Press, 2009.

·         Peter Nicolas and Mike StrongThe Geography of Love: Same-Sex Marriage & Relationship Recognition in America, Seattle, WA: CreateSpace, 2011.

·         Gerald N. RosenbergThe Hollow Hope: Can Courts Bring About Social Change?, Chicago, IL: University of Chicago Press, 2008.

·         Michael J. RosenfeldThe Age of Independence: Interracial Unions, Same-Sex Unions, and the Changing American Family, Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 2007.

·         Andrew SullivanSame-Sex Marriage: Pro and Con, Vancouver, WA: Vintage, 2009.

·         Frank TurekCorrect, Not Politically Correct; How Same-Sex Marriage Hurts Everyone, Charlotte, NC: CrossExamined, 2008.

·         Lynn D. Wardle, ed.What's the Harm? Does Legalizing Same-Sex Marriage Really Harm Individuals, Families or Society? Lanham, MD: University Press of America, 2008.

Periodicals and Internet Sources

·         Associated Press "Obama: Defense Of Marriage Act Should Be Repealed," The Huffington Post, July 19, 2011. www.huffingtonpost.com.

·         David Badash "GOP Debate: Constitutional Ban On Same-Sex Marriage Wins Big," The New Civil Rights Movement, June 14, 2011. http://thenewcivilrightsmovement.com.

·         Bob Barr "No Defending the Defense of Marriage Act," Los Angeles Times, January 5, 2009. www.latimes.com.

·         Michelle Boorstein "Same-Sex Marriage Again an Issue for Religious Charities," The Washington Post, July 12, 2011. www.washingtonpost.com.

·         Philip N. Cohen "Same-Sex Marriage and Children, What We Don't Know Shouldn't Hurt Us," The Huffington Post, April 10, 2009. www.huffingtonpost.com.

·         Nicholas Confessore "Beyond New York, Gay Marriage Faces Hurdles," New York Times, June 26, 2011.

·         Cristen Conger "Does a Parent's Gender Impact a Child's Success?," Discovery News, January 28, 2010. http://news.discovery.com.

·         Sara Israelsen-Hartley "Traditional Marriage Has Impact Beyond Faith," Deseret News, January 27, 2011. www.deseretnews.com.

·         Chris Johnson "2011 to Bring New Marriage Fights Across U.S.," Washington Blade, January 13, 2011. www.washingtonblade.com.

·         Ed Kilgore "The Hypocrisy of 'States' rights' Conservatives: The 10th Amendment Is Sacred to the Right—Except When It Comes to Fighting Abortion and Gay Rights," Salon, August 7, 2011. www.salon.com.

·         Michal A. Lindenberger "Why California's Gay-Marriage Ban Was Upended," TIME, August 5, 2010.

·         Adam Liptak "Looking for Time Bombs and Tea Leaves on Gay Marriage," New York Times, July 20, 2010, p. A11.

·         Tom McFeely "Needed: A Federal Marriage Amendment," National Catholic Register, April 17, 2009. www.ncregister.com.

·         Jennifer Roback Morse "Same-Sex 'Marriage' and the Persecution of Civil Society," National Catholic Register, June 3, 2008. www.ncregister.com.

·         Paul Mulshine "Same-Sex Marriage: Right or Wrong, It's Not a Right," NJ.com, August 10, 2010. http://blog.nj.com.

·         Frank Newport "For First Time, Majority of Americans Favor Legal Gay Marriage: Republicans and Older Americans Remain Opposed," Gallup, May 20, 2011. www.gallup.com.

·         Martha Nussbaum "A Right to Marry? Same-Sex Marriage and Constitutional Law," Dissent, Summer 2009. www.dissentmagazine.org.

·         Logan Penza "Anti-Gay Marriage Movement = Inefficiency," The Moderate Voice, May 22, 2011. http://themoderatevoice.com.

·         Charlie Savage and Sheryl Gay Stolberg "In Shift, U.S. Says Marriage Act Blocks Gay Rights," New York Times, February 23, 2011.

·         Erin Solaro "Marriage Is a Human Right, Not a Religious Issue," Seattle PI, December 12, 2008. http://blog.seattlepi.com.

·         U.S. News & World Report "Is the Defense of Marriage Act Constitutional? Debating Whether the Anti-Gay-Marriage Law Passes Muster," March 11, 2011. www.usnews.com.

·         Chrisopher Wolfe "What Marriage Has Become," The Public Discourse, March 21, 2011. www.thepublicdiscourse.com.

Full Text: COPYRIGHT 2012 Greenhaven Press, a part of Gale, Cengage Learning.

Source Citation

Hansen, Trayce. "Same-Sex Marriage Is Harmful to Children." Gay Marriage, edited by Debra A. Miller, Greenhaven Press, 2012. At Issue. Opposing Viewpoints in Contexteztcc.vccs.edu:2048/login?url=http://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/EJ3010014234/OVIC?u=viva2_tcc&xid=10655cf0. Accessed 4 Sept. 2017. Originally published as "Same-Sex Marriage: Not in the Best Interest of Children," The Therapist, 2009.

Gale Document Number: GALE|EJ3010014234

http://ic.galegroup.com/ic/ovic/ViewpointsDetailsPage/ViewpointsDetailsWindow?displayGroupName=Viewpoints&zid=a9764475de34e422c34761f9631ce865&action=2&catId=&documentId=GALE%7CEJ3010014234&userGroupName=viva2_tcc&jsid=d04d591dd6a4ce083f01f30163846491%29

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6.  Children have Human Rights – Issues with redefining marriage (article no longer on the web)

In the rush to afford equal rights regarding marriage to same sex couples, legislators have all but completely forgotten, ignored, or eclipsed the rights of children. Traditional marriage in all of the world's societies and cultures reinforced and supported the marriage of one man and one woman precisely to protect and assure the rights, proper development, and prosperity of children.
Gilles Surprenant  210220

Defending Traditional Marriage - American College of Pediatricians 
Children benefit from the unique parenting contributions of both men and women.   

  
Homosexual Parenting: A Scientific Analysis American College of Pediatricians 
Children need a mother and a father

1- CHILDREN HAVE RIGHTS

NY Convention on Rights of the Child (1989) - United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights

The Convention (ratified by Canada in 1991) states in Article 7 that the child has "as far as possible, the right to know and be cared for by his or her parents".  Article 3 states that "In all actions concerning children, whether undertaken by public or private social welfare institutions, courts of law, administrative authorities or legislative bodies, the best interests of the child shall be a primary consideration."

International Covenant on Economic, Social and Cultural Rights         Article 10.1 on family and marriage states that: "The widest possible protection and assistance should be accorded to the family, which is the natural and fundamental group unit of society, particularly for its establishment and while it is responsible for the care and education of dependent children."   The expression "the natural and fundamental group unit" refers to the natural combination of a man and a woman required to create a child.

U.N. Universal Declaration of Human Rights

Article 16 declares the right to marry based on the traditional definition of marriage, and states that such a family is "the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State."

France: Parliamentary Report on the Family and the Rights of Children Full report (French, 453 pages)
This report was presented to the French National Assembly by a 30 member parliamentary commission (called a Mission) on January 25, 2006. Society and the legislator have the responsibility to ensure that children develop harmoniously. The right of the child must override adult aspirations. By virtue of the precautionary principle and in order to protect the best interests of children, the commission does not want to question the fundamental principles of filiation based on the « one father, one mother, one child » triad. For these reasons, the commission refuses to open up marriage, adoption and medically assisted reproduction to same sex couples.

Civil Marriage Act (C-38)

The law was adopted based on the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms and the ruling by the Supreme Court. In the name of equality, it legalizes marriage for same sex couples. This law, like the Charter and the Supreme Court ruling, addresses adult rights, yet makes no mention of protecting children's rights or best interests. (see below)

Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms

Equality rights, under section 15 of the Charter, include race, national or ethnic origin, colour, religion, sex (without any mention of sexual orientation which was added by interpretation by the courts), age, and mental or physical disability. Children are only mentioned with reference to the right to lingustic education in French or English.

Supreme Court of Canada reference on Bill C-38

The Supreme Court of Canada's answers to four questions on same-sex marriage.  The court refused to answer question 4: "Is the opposite-sex requirement for marriage for civil purposes, ... consistent with the Charter of Rights and Freedoms?" first because, among other reasons, "the federal government has stated its intention to address the issue of same-sex marriage legislatively regardless of the Court's opinion on this question." The ruling does not mention children, their rights or needs.

Marriage: Why the Charter is Failing children

In Canada, the adoption of the Civil Marriage Act (C-38) in 2005 legalizing same sex marriage was entirely based on the imputed equality rights of adults in the Charter of Rights and Freedoms. Children are not mentioned in the Charter and hence their rights and best interests were not given any weight. We must reestablish the right of children to have both a mother and a father by defining marriage between one man and one woman, right which was negated by our Parliament. (2 pages)

The Other 'Rights Question' in Same-Sex Marriage - By Bioethicist Margaret Sommerville

" Same-sex marriage ... would also, unavoidably, be a societal declaration that children don't have any basic right to know who their biological parents are and that they don't need both a mother and a father. Same-sex marriage makes children's rights secondary to adults'. It contravenes the ethical principle that children, as the most vulnerable people, must come first." (one page)

The Rights of Children and the Redefinition of Parenthood

Presentation by David Blankenhorn, Danish Institute for Human Rights, June 2, 2005
"In Canada, in an amazingly contradictory pair of moves, it is now the right of an adopted child to know the identity of his or her biological parents; whereas in the case of donor-conceived children, revealing to the child the identity of his or her biological parents is a federal crime, punishable by a fine, imprisonment, or both. Also in Canada earlier this year, the federal government, as a part of its implementation of equal marriage rights for gay and lesbian couples, proposed striking the term “natural parent” from all of Canadian law, and replacing it with the term “legal parent.” ...This erasure not only represents a dramatic transfer of power from private life to the state, but is also, I believe, contrary to the best interests of children." (5 pages)  

2- CHILDREN HAVE NEEDS:

Do Mothers and Fathers Matter?  

Summarizes the scientific evidence that man-woman marriage "is an important social good associated with an impressively broad array of positive outcomes for children and adults alike." Discusses fatal flaws in the studies finding no disadvantages to children raised by homosexuals. (5 pages)

Gender Complementarity and Child-rearing: Where Tradition and Science Agree

Reviews numerous studies on the unique and vital contributions mothers and fathers make in parenting. Notes the evidence of social and emotional difficulties and homosexual experimentation among children of homosexual parents, all of which were ignored or minimized by original researchers. Examines serious physical and mental health risks of the homosexual lifestyle and concludes, "the placement of children in settings where there is not a mother and a father begins a slippery slope, one filled with risks that neither the children, nor society can afford to take." (22 pages). 

Statement from the American College of Pediatricians Statement on Homosexual Parenting

They conclude: Given the current body of research, the American College of Pediatricians believes it is inappropriate, potentially hazardous to children, and dangerously irresponsible to change the age-old prohibition on homosexual parenting, whether by adoption, foster care, or by reproductive manipulation. This position is rooted in the best available science. (1 page + references)

Excerpts from: Divorcing Marriage: Unveiling the Dangers in Canada’s New Social Experiments - Daniel Cere and Douglas Farrow, editors

"We know also that biological parents usually protect and provide for their children more effectively than non-biological ones. That these facts are either ignored or trivialized by some advocates of gay marriage... says something about concern for children in our time."

For the Sake of the Children - by Paul Albers

"The government has made it clear that they intend to eliminate any difference between mixed and same gender couples, how then will government justify allowing society to continue to promote the traditional family structure as superior?... Inventing same sex marriage as a human and legal right will only make the situation worse. Promoting the ideal family as the best environment for children will become politically incorrect, in time it may be branded as homophobic. Meanwhile, same sex couples will have the government’s blessing and protection to experiment with the lives of children, deprive them of a basic right, and inflict lasting harm on their future." (2 pages)  

3- TESTIMONIES:
 

Louis DeSerres: How Heterosexual Marriage Protects Children's Rights and Best Interests, State of Massachusetts Judiciary Commission

"For the first time in over 150 years, the fight for human rights, which has led to the abolition of slavery, the emancipation of women and civil rights for African-Americans, is now in the process of turning backwards. With same sex marriage we are now taking away the fundamental rights of our most vulnerable citizens, children." Drawing from debates in Canada and France, this Canadian witness lists 14 child-centered arguments in favor of heterosexual marriage and why all children need the protection that would result from a marriage amendment to the constitution. (6 pages)

Senate testimony by an activist in favor of same-sex marriage

Ms. Evangiline Caldwell, Coordinator, Québec Coalition for the civil marriage of same sex couples: "The question may be why we still want marriage. ...marriage is the golden standard. Marriage is recognition. It is recognition of your relationship. It is recognition of your equality. It is recognition of you and your partner as being as committed as a heterosexual couple... The reason is equality, that we, our couples, our families, be treated in the same way, with the same respect and recognition, as heterosexual couples."

Same-sex marriage: What about the human rights of Children?

"Proponents of same sex marriage claim that granting them the right to marry has no effects on you and me. They conveniently forget those who do not have a voice: their very own children... Is there a more natural and self evident birth right for a child than to have a mother and a father?" What happens when a child has two same-sex parents?

Dawn Stefanowicz' Testimonial - Has the welfare of children been considered in same-sex marriages?

A first hand account of same-sex parenting from the daughter of a homosexual man. She states: "Ultimately, children will be the real victims and losers if same-sex marriage is legally enacted. What hope can I offer innocent children who have no voice? What price is Canada willing to pay for sexual freedom, tolerance and diversity? Is that price children's lives?" (5 pages)

Margaret Sommerville (Samuel Gale Professor of Law, McGill Centre for Medicine, Ethics and Law) on Bill C-38, just three weeks before the vote in Parliament

"Ms. Margaret Somerville: I must admit, after reading this morning's paper, I wondered whether it was worth coming to speak to you, but I decided it was, if only to put a few things on the record that I think perhaps are not on the record so far... I see this whole same-sex marriage debate as an awful conflict of rights... I think the people who want to change the law to say that children don't need a mother and a father should show that's not harmful to children, and everything we know so far would be that it is. Everything we know about children is they want to know who their mother and father is, and not just them but that larger biological web in which they're embedded. You only just have to look at adults who want to go back and look at where their great-great-great-grandmother walked the earth generations ago...

A Member of Parliament: surely with this piece of legislation we're not throwing away anything. Aren't we extending rights?


Ms. Margaret Somerville: No, you're absolutely throwing away a child's right to a mother and a father." (Her complete testimony and the Q&A are worth reading in full.)

Focus on the Family

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7.  Marriage: What It Is, Why It Matters, and the Consequences of Redefining It   

SUMMARY    Marriage is based on the truth that men and women are complementary, the biological fact that reproduction depends on a man and a woman, and the reality that children need a mother and a father. Redefining marriage does not simply expand the existing understanding of marriage; it rejects these truths. Marriage is society’s least restrictive means of ensuring the well-being of children. By encouraging the norms of marriage—monogamy, sexual exclusivity, and permanence—the state strengthens civil society and reduces its own role. The future of this country depends on the future of marriage. The future of marriage depends on citizens understanding what it is and why it matters and demanding that government policies support, not undermine, true marriage.

KEY POINTS

1.  Marriage exists to bring a man and a woman together as husband and wife to be father and mother to any children their union produces.
2.  Marriage is based on the truth that men and women are complementary, the biological fact that reproduction depends on a man and a woman, and the reality that children need both a mother and a father.
3.  Marriage is society’s least restrictive means of ensuring the well-being of children. Marital breakdown weakens civil society and limited government.
4.  Government recognizes marriage because it benefits society in a way that no other relationship does. 5.  Government can treat people equally and respect their liberty without redefining marriage.
6.  Redefining marriage would further distance marriage from the needs of children and deny the importance of mothers and fathers.

At the heart of the current debates about same-sex marriage are three crucial questions: What is marriage, why does marriage matter for public policy, and what would be the consequences of redefining marriage to exclude sexual complementarity?

Marriage exists to bring a man and a woman together as husband and wife to be father and mother to any children their union produces. It is based on the anthropological truth that men and women are different and complementary, the biological fact that reproduction depends on a man and a woman, and the social reality that children need both a mother and a father. Marriage predates government. It is the fundamental building block of all human civilization. Marriage has public purposes that transcend its private purposes. This is why 41 states, with good reason, affirm that marriage is between a man and a woman.

Government recognizes marriage because it is an institution that benefits society in a way that no other relationship does. Marriage is society’s least restrictive means of ensuring the well-being of children. State recognition of marriage protects children by encouraging men and women to commit to each other and take responsibility for their children. While respecting everyone’s liberty, government rightly recognizes, protects, and promotes marriage as the ideal institution for childbearing and childrearing.

Promoting marriage does not ban any type of relationship: Adults are free to make choices about their relationships, and they do not need government sanction or license to do so. All Americans have the freedom to live as they choose, but no one has a right to redefine marriage for everyone else.

Read the full report at the link with possibility of downloading it. 

https://www.heritage.org/marriage-and-family/report/marriage-what-it-why-it-matters-and-the-consequences-redefining-it

—Ryan T. Anderson is William E. Simon Fellow in Religion and a Free Society in the Richard and Helen DeVos Center for Religion and Civil Society at The Heritage Foundation.

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In considering abortion as an option, or else before or after trying to understand what might be consequences of having an abortion, it is good to remember that LOVE UNLEASHES LIFE.

Courtroom genetics testimony of Dr. Jerome Lejeune on the wonder of human conception in the Circuit Court for Blount County State of tennessee at Maryville, Tennessee on August 10th, 1989. 
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3.  How Heterosexual Marriage Protects Children’s Rights And Best Interests  

FULL TEXT FOLLOWS HERE 

DOES MARRIAGE NEED A CONSTITUTIONAL DEFINITION?

Presentation to the State of Massachusetts Judiciary Commission
By Louis DeSerres, B.A., M.B.A.

For the first time in over 150 years, the fight for human rights, which has led to the abolition of slavery, the emancipation of women and civil rights for African-Americans, is now in the process of turning backwards. With same sex marriage we are now taking away the fundamental rights of our most vulnerable citizens, children. We are also entering an era where freedom of speech is being challenged. (Read the full presentation at the link or at the end of this post.)

Many of my comments are directly inspired from the debates in France and in Canada surrounding same-sex marriage. Both countries reached fundamentally different conclusions. While Canada legalized same-sex marriage, France did not. France went even further. It reiterated its prohibitions against adoption and access to medically assisted reproduction for all same sex couples. How could two mature countries reach such different conclusions? Quite simply, France’s laws still favor the best interests of children over adults while Canada does not. France does not recognize minority rights, but Canada’s recent Charter of Rights and Freedoms does. Progressively in Canada, adult homosexual rights have increased in weight to the point where they now trump children’s rights and best interests.

Finally, France has been at the forefront of the worldwide movement to recognize children’s rights. It has signed the 1989 U.N. Convention on the Rights of the Child and has been diligent in implementing its articles. In contrast, while Canada is also a signatory, it has chosen, particularly during the debates on same-sex marriage, to ignore its essential features, leading to same-sex legislation that most probably violates at least two articles of the Convention:

Article 3: “In all actions concerning children, whether undertaken by public or private social welfare institutions, courts of law, administrative authorities or legislative bodies, the best interests of the child shall be a primary consideration.”

Article 7: Each child “shall have, as far as possible, the right to know and be cared for by his or her parents”. France refers to these as filiative rights.

The French government affirms that children now have rights and “to systematically give preference to adult aspirations over respect for these rights is not possible any more.”

Same-sex marriage is part of a larger set of issues directly affecting children, namely adoption and medically assisted reproduction. One cannot separate these issues, as French parliamentarians discovered from their travels to various countries, “Countries that have opened up marriage to same sex couples have all authorized adoption by these couples and developed systems to assist procreation, including surrogate motherhood, in order to allow these couples to have children.”

Now, how does defining marriage between one man and one woman protect children’s rights and best interests? In summary,

1- Heterosexual marriage provides that a child will know and be raised by his own parents.

2- Research demonstrates conclusively that heterosexual marriage serves children’s best interests.

3- Heterosexual marriage provides the child with a natural network of care and support from his immediate and extended biological family

4- Heterosexual marriage sets the foundation for the child to have the same biological, legal and care giving parents.

5- Heterosexual marriage greatly reduces the risk that children or their constituent parts will become commodities.

6- Heterosexual marriage provides children with a multi-generational sense of identity.

7- Children born from heterosexual parents have access to their own genetic heritage for medical purposes.

8- Constitutionally defining marriage between one man and one woman strengthens the judicial protection accorded to children

9-Allowing court ordered same-sex marriage to prevail creates precedent for further erosion of children’s rights.

10- Heterosexual marriage protects the filiative rights of all children.

11- Defining heterosexual marriage is an absolutely essential first step in protecting children’s rights and best interests.

12- Defining heterosexual marriage is insufficient to ensure adequate protection for children’s rights and best interests.

13- Heterosexual marriage provides a simple and understandable set of norms.

14- Heterosexual marriage naturally protects children from potential discrimination because of the sex of their parents.

Now, for the details:

1- Heterosexual marriage provides that a child will know and be raised by his own parents.

Is there a more natural right for a child than to know and be raised by his own mother and father? When asked by a Canadian legislator about same sex marriage: “surely with this piece of legislation we’re not throwing away anything. Aren’t we extending rights?” Margaret Sommerville, Professor of Law at the McGill Center for Medicine, Ethics and Law answered: “No, you’re absolutely throwing away a child’s right to a mother and a father.” This is already happening in Québec, my home province, where some children now have two mothers listed on their birth certificate and no trace of a father.

2- Research demonstrates conclusively that heterosexual marriage serves children’s best interests.

There is no such evidence for same-sex marriage. The French National Assembly Commission was presented with “research on children raised by same sex couples concluding the absence of any ill effects on the children. Their scientific nature and the representation of the samples of the populations studied were broadly criticized and contested during the hearings… the lack of objectivity in this area was flagrant.” One presumes that the very best research would have been presented. These conclusions are consistent with other studies here in the U.S..

It is incumbent upon legislators to ensure that children are protected. We buy the safest car seats for our children. We require that drug companies prove the safety of new drugs; we recall baby strollers when even just a small number of children get hurt. In its Report on the Family and the Rights of Children, The French National Assembly Commission endorses the statement of an expert witness: “inasmuch as there is absolutely no reason to doubt the educative and emotional qualities of homosexual parents, we do not yet know all the effects on the construction of the adopted child’s psychological identity. As long as there is uncertainty, however small, is it not in the best interest of the child to apply the precautionary principle, as is done in other domains?”

Margaret Sommerville further explains from an ethical perspective: “There are obligations on society not to create genetic orphans, which is what we would be doing. I think we have to recognize a right to natural genetic origins and genetic identity. We have to recognize the full scope of the harms we do and the ethical problems, and first we have to be activated by a principle that’s called non-maleficence–first do no harm. “

3- Heterosexual marriage provides the child with a natural network of care and support from his immediate and extended biological family, including parents, brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, grandparents, etc..

In a world where increasing numbers of parents divorce their own children, France favors the permanent nature of biological filiation over fleeting emotions and unstable relationships. Same-sex marriage is not grounded on the biological ties, as William Eskridge explains, same-sex marriage: “involves the reconfiguration of family-de-emphasizing blood, gender, and kinship ties and emphasizing the value of interpersonal commitment.

In our legal culture the linchpin of family law has been the marriage between a man and a woman who have children through procreative sex. Gay experience with “families we choose” delinks family from gender, blood, and kinship. Gay families of choice are relatively ungendered, raise children that are biologically unrelated to one or both parents, and often form no more than a shadowy connection between the larger kinship groups.”

4- Heterosexual marriage sets the foundation for the child to have the same biological, legal and care giving parents.

Same-sex marriage does not. Furthermore, same-sex marriage cannot be isolated from adoption and medically assisted reproduction. Medically assisted reproduction opens the door to the breakdown between the three dimensions of parenting: the biological (progenitor), the judicial (parental authority) and the social (day to day care). For example, because gay men cannot reproduce naturally, they must rely on a surrogate mother. France has prohibited all surrogacy for many years.

When asked to reconsider it, the recent National Assembly report maintains this prohibition because “revisiting those values would amount to denying the bond that grows between mother and child during pregnancy and opening the door to a wide range of abuses. In California, for instance, the birth of a child might involve as many as five people: a sperm donor, an egg donor, a gestator and the couple who are the legal parents.” Thus, taking a child away from the mother that nurtured him for nine months creates an emotional discontinuity for the child and weakens his sense of security.

5- Heterosexual marriage greatly reduces the risk that children or their constituent parts will become commodities.

Same-sex marriage increases those risks as it creates a new market for assisted reproduction, adding to the demand for sperm, eggs, surrogate mothers and adopted children. This leads to the commoditization of human life where some of the participants have little regard for the rights of children. This is similar to the bygone era when slaves were traded as property. For example, France rejects surrogate motherhood for these reasons: “Preserving the prohibition on surrogate motherhood is justified … for two crucial reasons based on the protection of human dignity: first, the fact that the human body cannot be made available for trade; and second, the fact that filiation also cannot be made available for trade.”

In Canada, giving eggs is legal but selling them is strictly forbidden by law and subject to substantial penalties. Early in 2006, a Montréal investigative reporter revealed that he had located six women offering eggs and who, over the course of discussions, were demanding payments of up to $10,000.

6- Heterosexual marriage provides children with a multi-generational sense of identity.

In testimony to Canadian parliamentarians, Margaret Sommerville explained: “In conclusion, children and their descendants who don’t know their genetic origin cannot sense themselves as embedded in a web of people past, present, and in the future through whom they can trace the thread of life’s passage down the generations to them. As far as we know, humans are the only animals where experiencing a genetic relationship is integral to their sense of themselves. We do know the effect of eliminating this experience–which we do know through reproductive technologies and adoption–is harmful to children, to biological parents, to families, and to society.

Same-sex marriage puts in jeopardy the rights of children to know and experience their genetic heritage in their lives and withdraws society’s recognition of its importance to them, their wider family, and society itself. Finally, same-sex marriage also opens up the wider, unprecedented question of what is ethically required in terms of respect for the mode of transmission of human life.”

7- Children born from heterosexual parents have access to their own genetic heritage for medical purposes.

Most children born from same-sex unions do not. Genetic research is constantly expanding the usefulness of this information.

8- Constitutionally defining marriage between one man and one woman strengthens the judicial protection accorded to children, without it, children are inadequately protected.

A brief history of how same sex marriage was adopted in Canada illustrates. The Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms (a constitutional document) was adopted in 1982 to protect individual rights and minorities. Woefully, children, the most vulnerable group in society, were ignored. This was not an omission by design or malevolence, but simply because it was considered a given that children would always benefit from the protection of the law.

Later, sexual orientation was added by the courts to the list of groups needing protection. Today, sexual orientation, which the framers of the Charter specifically refused to include, now trumps children’s rights. When judges ruled that gays and lesbians were discriminated against because they were prevented from marrying, they focused on adults’ Charter implied rights. The Supreme Court did not even mention children in its judgment. In so doing, the courts, and now Parliament, have failed to protect children. Unless children’s right to a father and a mother is affirmed by legislators, same-sex marriage will erase it.

9-Allowing court ordered same-sex marriage to prevail creates precedent for further erosion of children’s rights.

Passage of same-sex marriage legislation simply reaffirms court decisions by judges who do not seem to have the tools required to adequately defend the rights of children when confronted with the equality rights of adults. This only reinforces the notion that children have no right to both a father and a mother, no say in the matter, and that their best interests carry little weight. Aren’t these denials of human rights similar to those that inspired abolitionists, suffragettes and civil rights leaders in the past? (In Canada, bowing to political pressure, the federal government even refused to appeal court decisions mandating same sex marriage to the Supreme Court of Canada.)

Furthermore, as the Canadian Parliament was debating the issue of same-sex marriage, the government was forcefully denying that this could lead to the legalization of polygamy since polygamy was a criminal offense (yet rarely if ever enforced). At the same time, it was secretly evaluating if passage of same sex legislation could lead to its eventual legalization. The published report later confirmed that it would be very difficult to prevent successful challenges to laws prohibiting polygamy and that polygamy would probably be legalized.

10- Heterosexual marriage protects the filiative rights of all children.

Same-sex marriage legislation jeopardizes them for all children. After the courts imposed same-sex marriage in Canada, Parliament adopted formal legislation making it applicable across Canada. In order to do so, it had to change the definition of parent from (biological) parent to legal parent for all children. According to the Institute for Marriage, Law and Culture, this erasure of the biological link to the child’s parent affects all children, not just those in same-sex relationships.

11- Defining heterosexual marriage is an absolutely essential first step in protecting children’s rights and best interests.

Furthermore, a preamble to a constitutional amendment could reinforce children’s rights if it states that heterosexual marriage is the only institution that can guarantee the right of the child to know and be raised by his/her natural parents. Interestingly, because courts in France have resisted same-sex marriage, the French National Assembly did not see the necessity of enshrining a formal definition of marriage. In Canada, that is clearly not the case.

12- Defining heterosexual marriage is insufficient to ensure adequate protection for children’s rights and best interests.

For instance, France refuses to legalize same-sex adoption because it is a back door to circumventing laws meant to protect the filiative rights of children. For example, same-sex couples could circumvent French prohibitions against medically assisted reproduction by traveling to another country, coming back with a child, and then having the non-biological parent adopt the child. Therefore, unless the state adopts a coherent set of laws protecting children, children will not be adequately protected.

It would be like building a fortress with half the walls missing. From up front, the fortress might appear unassailable, but a cursory tour would reveal easy alternatives. The absence of restrictions on same sex adoptions and medically assisted reproduction for same-sex couples can also lead to forcing the issue on same-sex marriage: if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it must be a duck. This is pretty well what happened in Québec when judges imposed same-sex marriage after highlighting that Québec’s civil unions resembled marriage in almost every feature.

13- Heterosexual marriage provides a simple and understandable set of norms.

France explains: “Family law, notably concerning filiation (the fact of being the child of certain parents), has been subject to profound reforms that have turned family configurations upside down. In this regards, (the province of) Québec has developed a distinctive inventiveness in setting up a system of filiation without equal in its complexity.” Rather, France believes that laws should not simply validate changing mores but should set norms in order to “allow individuals to build their lives around stable, sure and understandable criteria.”

With regards to adoption, the French report expresses concern about the “uncontrollable multiplication of filial links created as adults change partners over time, thus confusing children.” How does a child explain who his parents are if even legislators have difficulty in understanding the system? Same-sex marriage imposes additional confusion for the child, and many parents!

14- Heterosexual marriage naturally protects children from potential discrimination because of the sex of their parents.

When same-sex couples decide to have a child, either through medically assisted reproduction or adoption, they create a new minority, their own children, who are prevented from having both a mother and a father. They then turn around and ask that their children to be protected from potential discrimination because of their unique family situation. This would require all of society to be transformed, an uncertain proposition at best.

The January 25, 2006 Report on the Family and the Rights of Children to the French National Assembly approaches the issue from another perspective. It stresses that children represent the future of society and that they “must not suffer from conditions imposed upon them by adults”. In effect, it is these children’s own parents who have created this situation in the first place. The report adds: “The best interests of the child must prevail over adult freedoms… even including the lifestyle choices of parents”.

At the start of my presentation, I made a reference to challenges to freedom of speech. Let me cite four events – three from Canada and one from Europe – to illustrate my point.

1- In Canada, Dr. Chris Kempling, a school counselor was suspended by his employer after he wrote a letter in a local newspaper explaining his professionnally based opposition to same-sex marriage. The issue went to court and he lost. His appeal to the Supreme Court of Canada was rejected.

2- Dr. Grant Hill, an elected Member of the Canadian Parliament, former opposition leader, had his license as a medical doctor challenged after he made medically-justifiable statements that homosexual practices posed health risks for homosexuals. He won and was able to keep his license.

3- During Senate hearings on same-sex marriage legislation last summer, Dr. John Patrick, another medical doctor, shared his experience and opposition to same sex marriage and was rebuked by a senator and told: “you are part of the problem!” (I trust American legislators are more respectful).

4- Finally, the European Parliament recently embarked on an anti-homophobia campaign, specifically targeting Poland because of its refusal to allow same-sex marriage. Although this is not strictly a free speech issue, it sets the groundwork for future limitations as has happened in Canada, using the full force of the state.

* * *
APPENDIX:

Report on the Family and the Rights of Children
French National Assembly, January 25, 2006
Executive summary (2 pages)

Marriage: Why the Charter is Failing Children (in Canada)
Louis DeSerres (2 pages)

Marriage: Adult Rights or Children’s Rights
Preserve Marriage Canada (1 page)

Homosexuality Trumps Free Speech And Religion in Canada
A summary, NARTH (2 pages)

Redefining Marriage? A Case for Caution
Daniel Cere, McGill University
Feb. 12, 2003 (15 pages)

https://www.votemarriagecanada.ca/family/how-heterosexual-marriage-protects-childrens-rights-and-best-interests

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8.  Contemporary Developments in Child Protection - Volume 3: Broadening Challenges in Child Protection Edited by Nigel Parton - MDPI Switzerland (Multidisciplinary Digital Publishing Institute - 2015 

Developments in Child Protection: Foreword(s) for Three Book Volumes

The last forty years has witnessed increasing public, political and media concern about the problem of child maltreatment and what to do about it. This is now evident in most jurisdictions and is receiving serious attention from many international and trans-national organisations. While the ‘(re)discovery’ of the problem in the USA was particularly associated with the ‘battered baby syndrome’ this has now broadened to include: physical abuse, sexual abuse, neglect, emotional abuse, abuse on the internet, child trafficking, female genital mutilation, sexual exploitation and refers to all children and young people, not just babies. Similarly, the focus of attention has broadened from intra-familial abuse to abuse in a whole variety of settings including schools, day care centres, churches, youth and sports clubs and the wider community more generally. There has also been a broadening of concern from not simply protecting children and young people from serious harm to also attempting to prevent the impairment of their health and development and to ensure that they are able to grow up in circumstances which are consistent with the provision of safe and effective care so that all children can achieve the best outcomes.

In the process, the laws, policies, practices and systems which have been developed to try to identify and prevent child maltreatment have become much more wide-ranging and complex and have themselves been subject to continual criticism and review. A wide range of professionals and members of the community are all seen to have key roles to play in both protecting children and young people and also assessing and monitoring actual and potential perpetrators.

However, while these issues have been subject to often heated and high profile media and political debate, rarely have they received sustained analytic and research attention in the social sciences. It was in this context that the internet journal Social Sciences, in 2013, invited papers for publication in a Special Issue dedicated to the topic and these were published from July 2014 onwards. In the event thirty papers were accepted for publication—far and away the highest number of papers submitted and accepted previously for a Special Issue in the journal. Authors came from a range of countries including: Australia, Belgium, Canada, England, Ethiopia, France, Netherlands, New Zealand, Scotland, South Africa, Spain, and the USA. Sixteen of the thirty papers were based on original research, ten provided a policy analysis, two were based on particular practice developments, one was a literature review, and one provided a more theoretical/conceptual piece. Authors came from a wide range of disciplinary backgrounds including: sociology, history, social policy, sports science, psychology, social work, education, law and various branches of health and medicine. The focus of the papers was diverse, though they did tend to cluster around a number of themes and it is these that have provided the rationale for the organisation of the papers into the three published volumes; however, the process of organising and ordering the papers proved a particular challenge. There are ten papers in each volume.

Volume 1: Policy Changes and Challenges

Volume 1 takes as its central theme the ongoing and challenging issues which child protection agencies have to address and the policy and practice initiatives that are developed to try and address these. The volume includes papers on: the relationship between the decline in the rate of ‘unnatural’ deaths and the growth of concern about child abuse in the USA between 1940 and 2005; mandatory reporting; the balance between providing urgent intervention and meeting chronic need; risk and the Public Law Outline in England; the nature and implications of ‘child centred’ policies; the impact of intimate partner and family violence; the intended and unintended consequences of high profile child abuse scandals; developing multi-disciplinary team work in a health setting; and the possibilities of technology-based innovations in prevention programmes.

Volume 2: Issues in Child Welfare

Volume 2 is primarily concerned with how best to respond to maltreatment ‘within’ the family and hence has a range of papers which are much more concerned with the area of policy and practice more traditionally framed in terms of ‘child welfare’ and social work with children and families. It also includes a paper on how to respond to child maltreatment and neglect in a large hospital context.

Volume 3: Broadening Challenges in Child Protection

Volume 3 takes a somewhat broader brief and reflects many of the changes over the past twenty five years in terms of the broadening of concerns from maltreatment within the family to maltreatment in a variety of extra-familial contexts, including: sport, the internet, various institutional settings and is much more concerned with sexual abuse and the challenges for criminal justice and public protection.

Nigel Parton

Guest Editor

https://1drv.ms/b/s!Amyv6OjUkKMfjn8sKbOVuvNZsPkR?e=LhU1Fd

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My purpose in these posts is to bring together significant and, where possible, representative echoes of our best efforts as human beings to make sense of our lives in general - and of our human sexuality in particular - and to also include the voice of Jesus Christ, the one Saviour of the world, and testimonies from his Church, such as through her teaching voice, the Magisterium; given that the Church has been accumulating the wisdom granted her by Almighty God since her foundation at Pentecost. In this way, wherever there is darkness in our human understanding, it will serve to highlight the bright and radiant truth, which is Jesus Christ: "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you know me, you will know my Father also." John's Gospel 14:6-7     G.S.

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© 2006-2023 All rights reserved Fr. Gilles Surprenant, Associate Priest of Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montreal  QC
© 2006-2023 Tous droits réservés Abbé Gilles Surprenant, Prêtre Associé de Madonna House Apostolate & Poustinik, Montréal QC
 

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"I worry that my husband may leave me." OR "I am troubled that my wife no longer loves me." What light is there to dispell our darkness from the Wisdom of God revealed in his Eternal Word?

  ---------------------------------------------------------------- There are facts and truths that "sexual libertarians" don't...